This workshop will offer a theoretical and clinical orientation to the treatment of trauma, personal and relational, in couples therapy. The regulation of emotion and the healing power of attachment events will be emphasized.
The story of sex in committed modern couples is one that often tells of a dwindling desire that includes a long list of sexual alibis, claiming to explain the inescapable death of Eros. The absence of fantasy, the proliferation of pornography and affairs, as well as a lack of understanding of the nature of erotic desire all contribute to the predicament. This workshop examines the cultural pressures that shape domesticated sex and the puzzling inverse correlation between greater emotional intimacy and the loss of sexual desire.
High conflict and chronically distresses add to each others’ trauma while triggering historical trauma. Reducing, calming or eliminating the emotional triggers is an essential part of changing their negative ingrained patterns. See a live demonstration and/or experience a process to bring about immediate relief of painful memories (and sometimes) not even having to talk about them.
Is our brain built for love or war, connection or self-preservation? The attachment drive for a secure base involves neurological and neuro-endocrine systems and subsystems that determine such things as proximity seeking and contact maintenance. Couples most commonly enter therapy due to repeated, anticipated, and intense periods of mutual dysregulation whereby attachment injuries and adaptations become reanimated. In order to make the most of attachment theory, the psychotherapist must incorporate a working knowledge of the neurobiological processes that underlie all primary attachment relationships.
Couples’ expectations about the role of sexuality in intimate relationships have changed dramatically over the past 40 years. We will explore the main ideas of the romantic ideal: how we want our partner to fulfill our needs for connection, belonging and continuity, as well as give the sense of transcendence, mystery and passion. Examining the cultural values of love and respect, freedom and responsibility, and interdependence vs. autonomy, we will map a culturally relevant approach to work with the dilemmas of desire in couples. We also will probe the difference between clearly assigned gender role repartition and the post-feminist egalitarian model.
Comparisons have been made between severe avoidant attachment and disorders of the self such as antisocial personality, schizoid personality, and narcissistic personality. Each of these disorders, including avoidant attachment, can be grouped together as one-person psychological organizations in that they operate outside of a truly interactive dyadic system, and primarily rely upon themselves for stimulation and calming via auto-regulation. The chronic need for “alone time” can take many surprising forms throughout the lifespan, directly impacting romantic relationships.
In the course of human evolution, our brains have been shaped by countless adaptational challenges resulting in an organ functioning simultaneously in the conscious present and our primitive and hidden past. This presentation will explore aspects of the human brain which make sustained intimate relationships both possible and problematic.