EP13 Conversation Hour 03 – Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW

Description:

Educational Objectives:

1. Analyze and assess the philosophies of various practitioners and theorists.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction and Therapy Example

• Michele Weiner-Davis introduces innovations in divorce busting, showing a video of a couple in conflict after moving for their child’s health needs.

• The husband enters individual therapy (a common precursor to divorce); Michele stresses importance of determining whether he truly wants out or is unclear.

Assessing Ambivalence

• Audience asked to assess the husband's true intentions: wanting out, ambivalent, or wanting to stay.

• Emphasizes asking questions based on the assumption behind each intent (e.g., “What’s life like in Atlanta?” vs. “What’s made staying harder lately?”).

Directive, Value-Laden Questions

• Value-based questions guide conversation toward potential repair rather than neutral processing.

• Michele identifies “the one soft spot in the client’s heart” to keep the relationship alive.

• Both husband and wife express hope for change—he wants to be genuine; she wants more communication.

Therapeutic Outcome

• Couple continues with therapy and shows improvement through honesty, feedback, and shared goals.

• Emphasis on identifying “bright spots” in the marriage and building from them.

Walk Away Wife Syndrome

• Discusses common dynamic: women emotionally caretaking while men withdraw.

• Women often initiate divorce after years of feeling unheard.

• Encourages both partners to examine their roles and how the pattern developed.

Unexpressed Long-term Unhappiness

• Highlights dynamic where one partner silently detaches for years before announcing desire to leave.

• That partner may feel controlled and suppressed.

• Michele teaches clients skills for standing ground and making behavioral commitments.

Children as Emotional Leverage

• Even when not physically present, children can soften clients emotionally and reignite commitment.

• Michele uses child-focused conversations to tap into clients’ values and motivations.

Sexual Desire Discrepancy

• Discusses "sex starved marriage" where one partner craves touch and intimacy more than the other.

• Advises clients to sometimes “just do it” (Nike approach) to rekindle connection.

• Cites Dr. Rosemary Basson’s research: for many, desire follows arousal—not the other way around.

Hope-Building and Solution-Focused Techniques

• Therapy should use directive, optimistic language.

• Transform negative statements into solution-focused possibilities.

• Michele advocates for therapist self-disclosure when appropriate to foster emotional closeness.

Therapist Presence and Advocacy

• Encourages therapists to “show up” with their full emotional presence, not just technique.

• Promotes training programs and professional intensives to teach divorce busting methods.

• Urges therapists to lead with hope, direction, and a belief in relationship recovery.