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EP05 Workshop 21 - Advanced Strategies for Working with Couples - Cloe Madanes


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Topic Areas:
Workshops |  Couples Therapy |  Humor |  Psychotherapy |  Marriage |  Empathy |  Healing |  Rituals |  Social Issues |  Therapeutic Innovation |  Violence Prevention
Categories:
Evolution of Psychotherapy |  Evolution of Psychotherapy 2005 |  Pioneers in Couples and Family Therapy
Faculty:
Cloe Madanes, HDL, LIC
Duration:
2 Hours 03 Minutes
Format:
Audio Only
Original Program Date:
Dec 08, 2005
License:
Never Expires.



Description

Description:

This workshop will cover a broad range of problems presented by couples - from the most common to the most difficult, including such issues as violence and difficulties with money. The strategies presented will range from simple straightforward directives to paradoxical techniques and the use of humor.

Educational Objectives:

  1. To describe two strategies for using money to improve a marital relationship.
  2. To describe two paradoxical techniques for couples who argue too much.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Workshop Introduction and Overview

  • Cloe Madanes welcomes attendees; outlines workshop format: concepts, strategies, video demonstrations.

  • Emphasizes use of videotape and one-way mirrors in therapy sessions.

  • Goal: provide tools for working effectively with couples.

Core Therapy Concepts and Approaches

  • Focus on interactional view—changing social context to change behavior.

  • Empathy is key to understanding clients.

  • Introduces use of directives (direct, indirect, paradoxical) to prompt action over discussion.

Directives and Action-Based Therapy

  • Therapy should be engaging and behavior-focused.

  • Tone, delivery, and interest matter as much as content.

  • Action leads to emotional change.

Key Therapy Concepts: Unit, Sequence, Hierarchy

  • Uses examples (e.g., child-parent dynamics) to explain relational hierarchies.

  • Highlights problems from cross-generational coalitions.

  • Triangles in family systems often disrupt hierarchy.

Relationship Patterns: Symmetry and Complementarity

  • Symmetrical relationships = power struggle.

  • Complementary relationships = role division.

  • Malignant escalation occurs when partners don't complement each other.

Creating Boundaries in Couples Therapy

  • Boundaries help restore couple unity.

  • Examples: locking doors, rituals to distance from families of origin.

  • Humor can help establish these boundaries.

Therapeutic Rituals

  • Rituals help couples reset (e.g., vow renewals, second honeymoons).

  • Rituals should match the intensity of the couple’s issues.

  • Example: a violent couple performs a symbolic ritual to bury the past.

Creating Positive Memories

  • Couples are encouraged to recall and create good memories.

  • Cultural rituals and stereotypes can be leveraged to help bonding.

  • Good memories promote emotional healing.

Marriage and Loyalty Transitions

  • Transitioning loyalty from family of origin to spouse is often painful.

  • Therapist’s role is to guide the couple through this transition.

  • A video case is shown to illustrate.


Unbalancing in Therapy and Behavior-Based Techniques

  • Sometimes therapists enter through one partner to “unbalance” the couple and create change.

  • Live demo requested with Tony Robbins.

Using Fines to Change Behavior

  • Fines used as incentives for punctuality, dietary habits, or social events.

  • Couples find success using humorous or symbolic financial penalties.

  • Example: husband pays wife per minute late.

Dealing with Anxiety and Nagging

  • Reframe social events as “work” for anxious spouses.

  • Weekly “executive meetings” help structure communication.

  • Comic relief technique: husband removes clothing when nagged.

Addressing Marital Violence

  • Family involvement is crucial in preventing recurrence.

  • Steps include: exact recounting of violence, apology, and clear consequences.

  • Separation may be necessary; extended family helps monitor.

Coaching One Partner

  • Therapist coaches one spouse to change behavior that influences the other.

  • Example: how a husband can “win” back affection.

  • Introduces statute of limitations on past grievances (e.g., 7 years).

  • “Caring days” help rebuild affection with concrete loving actions.

Emotional and Spiritual Development Stages

  • Development stages: control → be loved → give love → repentance/forgiveness.

  • Spiritual growth helps couples evolve relationally.

  • Goal is shifting from symmetrical to complementary roles.

 

Credits



Faculty

Cloe Madanes, HDL, LIC's Profile

Cloe Madanes, HDL, LIC Related Seminars and Products


Cloé Madanes, HDL, LIC, is a world-renowned innovator and teacher of family and strategic therapy and one of the originators of the strategic approach to family therapy. She has authored seven books that are classics in the field: Strategic Family Therapy; Behind the One-Way Mirror; Sex, Love and Violence; The Violence of Men; The Secret Meaning of Money; The Therapist as Humanist, Social Activist and Systemic Thinker; and Relationship Breakthrough. She has presented her work at professional conferences all over the world and has given keynote addresses for The Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy; the National Association of Social Workers, The Erickson Foundation, the California Psychological Association and many other national and international conferences. Madanes has won several awards for distinguished contribution to psychology and has counseled outstanding individuals from all walks of life.


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