Workshop Introduction and Overview
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Cloe Madanes welcomes attendees; outlines workshop format: concepts, strategies, video demonstrations.
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Emphasizes use of videotape and one-way mirrors in therapy sessions.
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Goal: provide tools for working effectively with couples.
Core Therapy Concepts and Approaches
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Focus on interactional view—changing social context to change behavior.
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Empathy is key to understanding clients.
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Introduces use of directives (direct, indirect, paradoxical) to prompt action over discussion.
Directives and Action-Based Therapy
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Therapy should be engaging and behavior-focused.
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Tone, delivery, and interest matter as much as content.
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Action leads to emotional change.
Key Therapy Concepts: Unit, Sequence, Hierarchy
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Uses examples (e.g., child-parent dynamics) to explain relational hierarchies.
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Highlights problems from cross-generational coalitions.
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Triangles in family systems often disrupt hierarchy.
Relationship Patterns: Symmetry and Complementarity
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Symmetrical relationships = power struggle.
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Complementary relationships = role division.
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Malignant escalation occurs when partners don't complement each other.
Creating Boundaries in Couples Therapy
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Boundaries help restore couple unity.
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Examples: locking doors, rituals to distance from families of origin.
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Humor can help establish these boundaries.
Therapeutic Rituals
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Rituals help couples reset (e.g., vow renewals, second honeymoons).
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Rituals should match the intensity of the couple’s issues.
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Example: a violent couple performs a symbolic ritual to bury the past.
Creating Positive Memories
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Couples are encouraged to recall and create good memories.
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Cultural rituals and stereotypes can be leveraged to help bonding.
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Good memories promote emotional healing.
Marriage and Loyalty Transitions
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Transitioning loyalty from family of origin to spouse is often painful.
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Therapist’s role is to guide the couple through this transition.
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A video case is shown to illustrate.
Unbalancing in Therapy and Behavior-Based Techniques
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Sometimes therapists enter through one partner to “unbalance” the couple and create change.
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Live demo requested with Tony Robbins.
Using Fines to Change Behavior
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Fines used as incentives for punctuality, dietary habits, or social events.
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Couples find success using humorous or symbolic financial penalties.
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Example: husband pays wife per minute late.
Dealing with Anxiety and Nagging
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Reframe social events as “work” for anxious spouses.
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Weekly “executive meetings” help structure communication.
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Comic relief technique: husband removes clothing when nagged.
Addressing Marital Violence
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Family involvement is crucial in preventing recurrence.
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Steps include: exact recounting of violence, apology, and clear consequences.
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Separation may be necessary; extended family helps monitor.
Coaching One Partner
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Therapist coaches one spouse to change behavior that influences the other.
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Example: how a husband can “win” back affection.
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Introduces statute of limitations on past grievances (e.g., 7 years).
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“Caring days” help rebuild affection with concrete loving actions.
Emotional and Spiritual Development Stages
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Development stages: control → be loved → give love → repentance/forgiveness.
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Spiritual growth helps couples evolve relationally.
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Goal is shifting from symmetrical to complementary roles.
