Gridlocked perpetual conflicts often destroy relationships. They repeatedly surface, causing partners endless pain, fear, even trauma. Yet every couple faces them. In this address, Dr. Julie Gottman describes a dyadic therapy method that uncloaks the dreams, history and fears beneath partners’ issues while fostering greater compassion and connection in the couple. An edited film will be shown to demonstrate this intervention.
Couples therapy is often complicated and delicate when one partner has suffered childhood sexual abuse. The needs of both partners must be honored though one partner’s dream may be the other partner’s nightmare. This workshop describes the details of applying Gottman Method Couples Therapy to a case involving one partner’s history of severe sexual abuse.
Based on research, Gottman will discuss his new theory of how to conceptualize “trust” and “betrayal” using interdependence game theory. Trust and betrayal metrics here are not personality traits, but characteristics of daily interaction processes. He will present practical flowcharts for how couples build trust and loyalty, versus how couples build distrust and betrayal. The social skill of “emotional attunement” will be described precisely. A new therapy for preventing distrust and betrayal, and a therapy for healing from betrayal will be presented. Concepts will be illustrated with video-tape and transcripts from actual cases.
The Atone-Attune-Attach model of couples’ therapy for healing from a revealed extra-relationship affair, with secrecy deception is described. Each of the three phases has 4 objectives. The roles of conflict avoidance and self-disclosure avoidance are discussed, as well as the Gottman-Rapoport conflict blueprint. To deal with attachment injuries and regrettable past incidents, the Gottman Recovery Kit is described. The Gottman-Rusbult-Glass cascade forms the basic theory for this therapy. The roles of cherishing and gratitude versus trashing and betrayal are discussed, as well as the theory of attunement and trust, and CL-ALT and betrayal.
Scientific research on marriage will be reviewed to answer two questions: What is dysfunctional when a marriage is failing, and what is functional when a marriage is working well? Myths and misconceptions about these questions will be discussed. Research findings will be reviewed to derive two checklists. Although checklists are helpful, they are not fully adequate. To assess a marriage and to intervene we need theory, which will be delineated.