CC04 Workshop 17 - Preventing Marital Violence: Domestic Violence II - Cloe Madanes, Lie. Psych.

Description:

Madanes will present strategies for preventing marital violence, from minor occurrences to severe violence. Participants will have a chance to consult with Madanes about their own cases.

Educational Objectives:

1. To name five strategies for the prevention of marital violence.
2. To describe the application of the five strategies in extended families and the community.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Strategy for Preventing Marital Violence

• Cloe Madanes outlines a staged strategy based on Milton Erickson’s work.

• Starts with discussing family relationships; often the husband dislikes his mother-in-law.

• Therapist proposes a contract: if violence occurs, money in a joint account goes to the person the husband dislikes most.

Implementing the Contract

• Husband argues provocation; therapist counters that violence, not provocation, is punishable.

• Alternate option: money goes to charity if he feels provoked.

• Goal: make husband feel like he’s “winning” to encourage cooperation.

Case Study & Challenges

• A violent couple with a baby frequently fights.

• Therapist uses calm tone and suggests husband leave when provoked.

• Recommends weekly “executive meetings” in public to discuss issues civilly.

Executive Meetings & Bank Strategy

• Couples meet weekly at a restaurant and take notes throughout the week.

• Negotiations must end positively (inspired by Japanese customs).

• Husband opens joint account; agrees to forfeit money if violence occurs.

• One month later: no violence, therapy progresses, couple decides to marry.

Case: Verbally Abusive Wife

• Wife is verbally abusive due to childhood trauma; husband is provocative.

• Therapist seeks ways to contain her behavior and improve their relationship.

Strategy for Incompatible Couples

• Based on Richard Stewart and Harville Hendrix’s work.

• Partners list concrete actions that show love (no vague terms).

• Focus on respecting each other’s definitions of love, not quid pro quo.

Handling Conflict & Criticism

• Suggested $20 fine for abusive remarks in sessions.

• Therapists must manage interruptions and child-related needs.

• Use “executive meetings” to handle chronic issues and improve communication.

Cultural, Age, and Religious Differences

• Help couples respectfully manage cultural, religious, or age-based differences.

• Example: French husband vs. vegetarian wife conflict over food.

• Encourage negotiation and open discussion without escalation.

Addressing Sex Addiction & Refusals

• Husband with bipolar disorder engages in internet sex; wife is resentful.

• Cloe suggests wife joins in watching to approach the issue playfully.

• Also recommends couples list loving behaviors for each other.

Involving Family & Broader Support

• Family members help set boundaries and reinforce safety in violent situations.

• Therapists should support women if they report abuse.

• Family involvement often helps maintain long-term progress.

Meditation & Compassion

• Introduces Tibetan meditation on compassion for violent/addicted individuals.

• Visualization of kindness helps reconnect with values and purpose.

Substance Use & Violence

• Alcohol/drugs common in violent cases but not a justification.

• Focus therapy on root causes, not substance use alone.