CC04 Workshop 15 - Working with Difficult Couples: Domestic Violence I - Cloe Madanes, Lie. Psych.

Description:

Madanes will discuss some difficult cases and participants are invited to present their own cases for consultation and advice from Madanes. Emphasis will be on partner abuse, assessment and intervention, including cultural factors and community resources. A minimum of five to ten participants will have a chance to consult. The group will engage actively in exercises to demonstrate specific techniques.

Educational Objectives:

1. To describe the approach of Strategic Marital Therapy.
2. Given a case, describe the application of Strategic Marital Therapy.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Workshop Structure and Initial Strategies

• Cloe Madanes opens with questions about experience working with violent couples.

• Workshop divided into two parts: morning on marital violence, afternoon for Q&A.

• Emphasizes planning therapy in advance and tailoring strategies.

• Notes legal constraints, especially in California.

First Steps in Addressing Violence

• First priority: separate the couple to prevent violence and suicide risk.

• Use family/community support over shelters.

• In severe cases, arrange safe travel and ensure the victim isn't alone post-session.

• Connect abuser with family to reduce suicide risk.

Involving the Family in Therapy

• Involve extended family, especially older members, to support and pressure the abuser.

• Therapists should obtain family contacts and use them as allies, not patients.

• Case example: a woman overcame panic attacks by involving her mother.

Addressing Confidentiality

• Few objections to family involvement when framed properly.

• Consent and clear ethical boundaries are key.

• Emphasizes family’s role in solution—not diagnosis.

Spiritual Pain and Repentance

• Domestic violence causes spiritual pain; therapy must address this.

• Sincere apology from abuser is essential, with family present to validate it.

Reparation and Accountability

• Reparation (symbolic or material) should be negotiated with family.

• Establish consequences if violence happens again (e.g., deportation, job loss).

• Family must be prepared to protect the victim.

Transition to Regular Marital Therapy

• After safety is secured, shift to solving marital conflicts.

• Example: a couple where communication gaps led to frustration and violence.

Case Study: Young French Couple

• Abuse case resolved by involving entire family.

• Importance of sincere repentance and therapist’s active guidance.

Mentors and Protectors

• Appoint mentors for the abuser and protectors for the victim.

• Therapist oversees regular mentor-abuser meetings.

Legal and Reporting Issues

• Discusses mandated reporting and therapist’s role in social services cases.

• Advises organizing family to prevent child removal.

Rituals and Conflict Resolution Tools

• Introduce “executive meetings” in public places for civil discussions.

• Use rituals (e.g., vow renewals, burying hair) to mark new beginnings.

• Involve family in these rituals to reinforce changes.

Family and Community as Support

• Extended family helps sustain reconciliation (e.g., securing jobs, moving).

• Create joyful shared experiences to rebuild the relationship.

Confession and Legal Protection

• Violent spouses write and sign confessions; involve police/lawyer to enforce.

• Extended network builds accountability and safety.

Managing Sessions Ethically

• Always ensure physical and emotional safety.

• Use rituals and family/community to support behavior change.

Addressing Emotional Abuse with Humor and Paradox

• Assign designated times/places for criticism to diffuse conflict.

• Make the task absurd to reduce appeal and improve results.

Adapting Strategies by Severity

• Less severe cases: use fun, creative solutions.

• Remain flexible based on couple’s specific needs.

Trauma and Safety

• Use apology and reparation rituals for healing.

• Extended support systems protect victims.

Financial Consequences for Violence

• Contract: abusive partner deposits money, loses it if violent.

• Make financial consequences meaningful to discourage abuse.

Ethics and Risk Management

• Prioritize therapist/client safety.

• Stay flexible and responsive to each couple's situation.