BT06 Workshop 07 - Enhancing Relationships - Cloé Madanes, Lic Psic, HDL

Description:

Madanes will present a series of skills, practices and strategies for enhancing relationships. There will be opportunity for discussion and for practicing some of these skills.

Educational Objectives:

1. To list seven master skills in relationships.
2. To describe ten practices to enhance relationships.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Enhancing Relationships Through Compliments and Affirmations

• Cloe Madanes recommends daily meditation on a partner's strengths and public compliments to involve the broader community.

• Example: praising a partner in front of family or friends strengthens bonds.

• Suggests satisfying one human need per week (e.g., fun, significance) and practicing daily gratitude.

• Expressing admiration regularly, even when it feels unnatural at first, deepens connection over time.

Importance of Gratitude and Daily Connection

• Research shows grateful people are happier (citing Martin Seligman, Tony Robbins).

• Love is described as a verb—it requires action, not just feelings.

• Couples should integrate small, thoughtful acts into their daily routines.

Communication, Trust, and Handling Resentments

• Think before speaking to maintain positivity and trust.

• Trust and respect should be rated regularly (1–10 scale).

• Past resentments older than seven years should be released ("statute of limitations").

• Techniques include repeating resentments until exhausted and emotional regulation exercises like "breathing in the heart."

Conflict Resolution and Building Empathy

• Couples can express grievances in structured dialogues, ending with "I'm sorry, dear."

• Rituals like repentance and symbolic reparation strengthen emotional healing.

• No criticism or threats allowed; focus instead on attributing positive motives to one another.

Creating Good Memories and Structured Discussions

• Building good memories (e.g., shared activities) improves happiness and health.

• Executive meetings: structured, respectful conversations about practical issues, using principles like saving face.

• Avoid competitive escalation; foster polarity for constructive differences.

Working with Difficult Personalities

• Madanes critiques overusing labels like "borderline" or "narcissistic."

• Focus on understanding underlying needs like significance rather than labeling behaviors.

• Story shared about a therapist misusing diagnoses for insurance purposes.

Program for Enhancing Couples’ Relationships

• Madanes offers a multimedia program (DVDs, CDs, workbooks) for couples to use at home.

• Two upcoming books: Relationships, Dilemmas and Solutions and a couples therapy manual.

• Future work focuses on strengthening parent-child relationships.

The Three Levels of Mastery

• Cognitive, emotional, and physical mastery are all necessary for lasting change.

• Full identity integration (e.g., "I don't smoke" vs. "I haven't smoked in two months") is critical.

The Six Human Needs

• Certainty, variety, significance, love, growth, contribution.

• Understanding and fulfilling each partner’s top needs helps prevent conflict.

• Examples shared, like addressing jealousy through daily affirmations.

Tony Robbins and Collaborative Programs

• Madanes and Robbins developed interventions blending education and follow-up evaluation.

• Emphasis on couples growing together and confronting secrets sensitively.

Techniques for Preventing Divorce

• Richard Stewart's method: partners create clear, concrete lists of loving actions.

• Couples create and revise contracts based on these behaviors.

• Importance of accepting each partner’s definition of love-related actions.

Applying Needs to Variety and Certainty

• Couples should plan activities together to satisfy needs for variety and security.

• Understanding individual differences is key to sustaining joy and trust.

Final Thoughts

• Regular compliments and heartfelt understanding maintain vibrant relationships.

• Continuous evaluation and development of relationship skills are essential.

• Madanes remains committed to refining these methods for broader impact.