Cloe Madanes, HDL, LIC - Strategic Therapy with a Couple

Description:

Cloé Madanes (2009) Strategic Therapy with a Couple demonstrates with a young couple who is conflicted about holiday celebrations and vacations. The husband has wounds from his past that resonate with family holidays. He also wants to be more a part of his wife “inner circle” with her son from a previous marriage and vacations challenge him in this area. Madanes uses humor, insight and emotional connection to guide the couple to an accepting compromise.

Educational Objectives:

1. To name two strategies for therapy.
2. To list three important questions to ask in therapy.

From conference EP09-CD04-DVD

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

• Introduction and Couple’s Background

  • Chloe introduces Joanne and Tom, both psychology professors married for three years.

  • Issues arise around holidays and celebrations—Tom often gets moody during planning.

  • They met at work, with Tom falling in love quickly; Joanne realized it later.

  • Both have children from previous marriages; Joanne’s son, Gabe, lives with her.

• Early Relationship Dynamics

  • Tom felt a deep emotional connection early on and shared personal details.

  • Joanne was initially unaware of Tom’s strong feelings.

  • Their relationship overlapped with their divorces, which lasted 1.5–2 years.

• Holiday Conflicts

  • Thanksgiving gatherings trigger bad moods in Tom due to painful childhood memories.

  • Tom dislikes the overemphasis on preparation, feeling excluded or insignificant.

  • Joanne believes Tom fears being reduced to a background player in her plans.

• Vacation and Step-Parenting Struggles

  • Tom struggles with feeling like an outsider during rituals with Gabe.

  • Over time, they’ve created more balanced routines during vacations.

  • Tom accepts their closeness but feels challenged not having children of his own.

• Conflict Patterns and Coping

  • Tom copes by becoming resentful and irritable but stays physically present.

  • Joanne gets obstinate and tends to catastrophize when things go wrong.

  • Both admit to being polite but emotionally distant during tense moments.

• Human Needs and Priorities

  • Chloe outlines six universal needs: certainty, variety, significance, love/connection, growth, and contribution.

  • Joanne prioritizes: growth, love/connection, contribution, variety, significance, certainty.

  • Tom prioritizes: significance, love/connection, contribution, growth, variety, certainty.

  • Chloe stresses that love and connection are central to a healthy marriage.

• Identifying Personal “Vehicles”

  • Tom seeks significance through impact, ideas, pride, and recognition.

  • Joanne seeks growth through centering, creativity, and relationship work.

  • They grade each other highly on helping one another meet these needs—more so than themselves.

• Improving Communication and Connection

  • Tom admits he withholds honesty during tough emotional periods.

  • Joanne feels most connected through deep, honest conversations.

  • Chloe recommends practices like heart-breathing and sustained eye contact to foster intimacy.