CC21 Keynote 01 - Passionate Enterprise: Couples Who Work Together - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Description:

Increasingly more and more couples are working together or working virtually in the same space. It is estimated that in the United States 43% of small businesses are family-run and 53% of managers share day-to-day management with a spouse. Working together tends to eclipse romance and dominate a couples life.

As therapists, we tend to look at our couples/clients mainly through the lens of our favorite therapy model. However, couples who work together face unique challenges that are not rooted in attachment styles or family of origin conflicts.

Ellyn will delineate 6 foundational skills that will support couples who work together and demonstrate how the business can become a source of connection rather than generating stress and disconnection.

(Includes video demo)

Educational Objectives:

1. Describe 6 foundational skills for building effective collaboration in couples who work together.
2. Delineate 3 distinct decision-making strategies that minimize conflict and facilitate clear boundaries at work and at home.
3. Outline negotiation principles that are unique for couples.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction and Ellen’s Background

• Ellen introduced as a pioneer in couples therapy and co-founder of the Couples Institute.
• She’s authored The Search for the Mythical Mate and Tell Me No Lies.
• Speaker 1 praises her longstanding impact and friendship.

Presentation: Couples Who Work Together

• Ellen presents “Passionate Enterprise,” focused on couples in business together.
• Notes 1.4 million U.S. businesses are run by married partners—an increasing trend since the pandemic.
• Outlines common challenges: time constraints, financial stress, loyalty conflicts.

The CANDOR Framework

• Six key skills for couples in business:
  • Commitment
  • Acknowledgment & Appreciation
  • Negotiation
  • Decision Making
  • Ownership of Strengths & Liabilities
  • Roles & Responsibilities
• Emphasizes daily appreciation (“daily double”) and aligning on both business and relationship goals.

Decision-Making Strategies

• Three approaches:
  • Unilateral: one partner decides
  • Equilateral: joint, 50/50 decisions
  • 51/49%: one leads with the other’s consent
• Trust and clear communication are key to applying these effectively.
• Ellen shares real-life examples of how couples use these in practice.

Common Challenges and Solutions

• Couples often face role confusion, power struggles, and blurred boundaries.
• Ellen recommends:
  • Clear roles and responsibilities
  • Humility and accountability
  • Boundaries between work and personal life

Video Testimonials

• Video shows real couples discussing benefits and struggles of working together.
• Highlights:
  • Enhanced communication
  • Shared purpose
  • Strategies like nightly rituals and time off from work

Q&A with Ellen

• Ellen answers questions on:
  • Source of stats
  • Psychoeducation’s role in therapy
  • Working with personality disorders and developmental issues
  • Use of experiential tools like the paper exercise

Closing

• Jeff thanks Ellen and introduces the next session on online sexuality.
• A 15-minute break follows, with encouragement for continued reflection and learning.