CC19 Workshop 03 - The Fundamentals of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) - Terry Real, LICSW

Description:

Relational Life Therapy (RLT) produces deep, lasting change in couples quickly by breaking many cherished couple’s therapy rules. We take sides, for example. Not all problems are fifty-fifty. We judiciously self-disclose. We’re in it with you. We work with trauma in each partner, doing deep individual work in the presence of one another. We pay close attention to gender – the unique characteristics of men and women in our culture and how those differences collide. We work with issues of both shame and also of grandiosity. We explicitly address power imbalances, and rebalance them.

Through lecture, demonstration, and video excerpts of real sessions, workshop participants will learn how to join through the truth, the art of holding the mirror up to our clients in ways that not only leave them feeling you are on their side, but that you are actively rooting for them.

Educational Objectives:

1. Identify the systemic dynamic, the repeating vicious circle, the couple is stuck in.
2. Identify each partner’s self-defeating stance, (angry pursuer), their contribution to the dynamic between them.
3. Demonstrate understanding of the clear map of the repeating loop the couple is mired in.
4. Utilize their relational diagnosis to wake them up to their patterns of dysfunction and wish to connect.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

The Fundamentals of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) Introduction

• Three phases of RLT:

  1. Waking up the client (“joining through the truth”)

  2. Inner child work

  3. Land connection, education, and skill building

• Emphasizes longer sessions (at least 1.5 hours) for meaningful change.

Dysfunctional Relational Stances and Inner Child Work

• Dysfunctional stances like “angry pursuit” reflect deeper patterns.

• Phase two involves reparenting the wounded or adaptive parts of the self.

• Final phase focuses on teaching skills and fostering emotional connection—unique to RLT.

The Role of Trauma and Skill Building in Relationships

• Relational skills are often missing due to cultural influences (e.g., patriarchy, addiction, narcissism).

• Many want deep love but haven’t been taught how to sustain it.

• This workshop emphasizes trauma and inner child work; advanced classes focus on skills.

The Importance of Relational Joy and Practical Techniques

• Differentiates between short-term gratification and deep relational joy.

• Uses a parenting story to illustrate lasting, meaningful connection.

• Stresses techniques like empathy and accountability as core to relationship work.

Joining Through the Truth and Case Study of Peter

• RLT's central method: join with clients by telling the truth compassionately.

• Builds alliance with the client’s functional adult to bypass defensiveness.

• Case video of “Peter” shows therapist confronting dysfunction while maintaining warmth.

Q&A Session and Further Explanations

• Audience asks about phases and techniques.

• Emphasizes diagnosing the client’s emotional state and finding therapeutic leverage.

• Introduces “sustainable hurt”—growth through discomfort that doesn’t overwhelm.

The Role of Patriarchy and Post-Patriarchal Therapy

• Patriarchy harms both genders by reinforcing dominance and silence.

• Post-patriarchal therapy teaches men generosity and women to speak with love.

• Goal: both partners move beyond rigid gender roles to foster intimacy.

The Importance of Accurate Diagnosis and Leverage

• Uses seven diagnostic lenses to understand client dynamics.

• Leverage empowers the latent partner to influence the blatant one.

• Example: helping a client stop replicating an abusive parent’s behavior.

• Children are often a key source of leverage.

Practical Techniques for Handling Dysregulation

• Inner child work is central to managing emotional overwhelm.

• Provides a handout on taking timeouts responsibly.

• Therapist’s role is to create a calm, supportive environment for growth.

Final Thoughts and Audience Engagement

• Encourages therapist participation and exploration.

• Shares info on training programs and further learning.

• Reinforces the value of skill-based, relationally focused therapy.

• Session closes with gratitude and an invitation to apply RLT principles.