CC18 Workshop 02 - Diving into the Heart of the Work: How to Produce Deep Change Quickly in Troubled Clients - Terry Real, LICSW

Description:

The secret to helping couples have a powerful, transformative experience in therapy is to get them to deeply explore---while in each other’s presence---their own character structure and family-of-origin trauma. For the therapist, this process involves six steps: arriving at the couple’s relational diagnosis, helping them articulate their repeating loops, getting the backstory of their childhood adaptation, imaginatively reparenting each inner child, loving confrontation, and helping each partner master new skills.

Educational Objectives:

1. Demonstrate understanding of the clear map of the repeating loop the couple is mired in.
2. Utilize their relational diagnosis to wake them up to their patterns of dysfunction and wish to connect.
3. Describe the dysfunctional family of origin backstory to a reparenting dialogue.
4. Discuss relational skills like having good boundaries, speaking up for oneself with love, and responding to criticism non-defensively with a generous heart.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction to Terry Real and Relational Life Therapy (RLT)

• Terry Real introduces himself as a psychiatric social worker, family therapist, and founder of his own institute.

• Describes RLT as focused on helping clients live relational lives—equivalent to secure attachment.

• Contrasts RLT with traditional therapy by addressing both shame (“one down”) and grandiosity (“one up”).

• Notes that RLT often sides with women seeking more emotional connection, which benefits both partners.

Differences Between Traditional Therapy and RLT

• Traditional therapy is neutral; RLT takes sides, often siding with the more dissatisfied partner.

• Emphasizes addressing character and relational dynamics in front of the partner—not in solo therapy.

• Therapist is a coach and relational guide, sharing personal stories to build connection.

• Judicious self-disclosure is used to build rapport and model authenticity.

Phases of RLT: Waking Up, Joining Through the Truth, and Family of Origin Work

• Three phases: (1) Waking up dysfunctional behavior, (2) Exploring its roots, (3) Doing family of origin work.

• Clients’ “adaptive child” is the immature, reactive part that needs to be unlearned.

• Therapist helps clients recognize and challenge maladaptive stances.

• Family history is explored to understand and rewire relational patterns.

Teaching and Empowering Clients in RLT

• RLT involves active teaching of new relational skills and alternatives to dysfunction.

• Therapy is explicit, directive, and educational—not just exploratory.

• Terry shares a case with a client named Michael, using role-play to shift behavior.

• Emphasis on personal responsibility, relational empowerment, and practical tools.

Case Study: A Couple on the Brink of Divorce

• Terry shares a real case where he sided with the partner who was ready to leave.

• Gave a timeline for the other partner to change and re-engage.

• The session was unedited and direct, showing confrontational techniques.

• The couple divorced, but the leaving partner felt strong and transformed.

Q&A Session: Addressing Participant Questions and Concerns

• Topics included working with grandiosity, using leverage, and gender roles in therapy.

• Terry warns of risks in separate sessions, stressing confidentiality and therapist authority.

• He encourages empowering both partners and addressing both over- and under-functioning.

• Stresses bold, clear, and sometimes confrontational therapist interventions when needed.