CC07 Workshop 04 - Enhancing Relationships - Cloe Madanes, Lie Psic, HDL

Description:

Madanes will present a series of skills, practices and strategies for enhancing relationships. There will be an opportunity for discussion and for practicing some of these skills.

Educational Objectives:

1. To list seven master skills in relationships.
2. To describe ten practices to enhance relationships.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

• Cloe Madanes' Career and Focus

  • Shifted focus from childhood/adolescent issues to enhancing adult relationships.

  • Background includes work at Philadelphia Child Guidance Clinic and teaching roles.

  • Specialized in psychosis, schizophrenia, sexual and domestic abuse.

  • Noted decline in family therapy institutes due to managed care and biological emphasis.

• Philosophical Influences and Collaboration

  • Moved from Freudian determinism to an interactional, present-focused view.

  • Inspired by Viktor Frankl’s ideas on self-determination.

  • Collaborated with Tony Robbins after observing his seminar in 2001.

  • Embraced self-determination through values and education.

• Educational Outreach and Workshop Goals

  • Promoted Smart Marriages conference focused on preventing divorce and improving parenting.

  • Workshop aims: rejuvenate, overcome challenges, and deepen relationships.

• Core Principles for Relationships

  • Advocates cognitive, emotional, and physical mastery.

  • Describes six relationship positions, from passion to emotional exit.

  • Suggests beginning sessions with a love meditation.

• Daily Practices and Emotional Connection

  • Recommends daily visualizations and 15-minute loving thoughts.

  • Introduces “heartfelt understanding” to connect without judgment.

  • Encourages empathy, benefit of the doubt, and identifying meaningful partner moments.

• Universal Human Needs in Couples

  • Certainty, variety, significance, love/connection, growth, contribution.

  • Understanding and balancing needs prevents disconnection.

  • Offers examples for satisfying each other's top needs.

• Film and Relationship Tools

  • Introduces film demonstration of Tony Robbins intervention.

  • Promotes the Ultimate Relationship Program: DVDs, CDs, workbook.

  • Designed for couples to use without a therapist and scale impact.

• Live Intervention Example

  • Paul fears loss of self-worth if he leaves; Jennifer seeks love from her kids.

  • Reveals common pattern: women seeking love through children, not husbands.

  • Jennifer praised for strength; Paul still feels unfulfilled despite her efforts.

• Family and Emotional Dynamics

  • Paul’s friend reveals financial strains and his feeling of being low priority.

  • Jen uses humor as defense; she admits emotional certainty comes from family, not Paul.

  • Robbins encourages Jen to value love over certainty to reconnect.

• Commitment Ritual

  • Paul commits to showing love and strength; Jen commits to making Paul her priority.

  • Robbins advises Paul to emotionally separate from his mother.

  • Ends with ritual reinforcing renewed commitment.

• Program Impact and Outcomes

  • Film widely praised, follow-up shows improved happiness.

  • Sold as part of relationship program; used by military and clergy.

  • Available at Robbins’ booth and Smart Marriages Conference.

• Handling Complex Cases

  • Dismisses diagnostic labels like personality disorders.

  • Emphasizes family of origin work and family involvement via cell phone calls.

  • Against speaking ill of spouse to others.

• Affair Recovery

  • Encourage love meditation and shared responsibility.

  • Possible to involve third party in therapy or end affair directly.

  • Example: daily ritual of recrimination and forgiveness to release obsession.

• Strengthening Love and Connection

  • Use Richard Stewart’s strategy: partners list behaviors that show love.

  • Emphasize small, concrete actions like morning greetings and hugs.

  • Encourage “passion play” with personalized terms of endearment.

• Gratitude and Memory Building

  • Use good memories (e.g., “Gone With the Wind”) as emotional anchors.

  • Daily gratitude and appreciation build emotional resilience.

  • Focus on one human need each week to satisfy partner’s core values.

• Trust, Respect, and Communication

  • Build trust through consistent, respectful actions.

  • Respect reinforced with cultural examples and boundary-setting.

  • Encourage present-moment awareness during partner’s emotional expression.

• Managing Past and Emotional Overwhelm

  • Introduce statute of limitations for past mistakes (e.g., 7 years).

  • “Emotional flooding” uses positive memory visualization.

  • Address bad memories with public acknowledgment, sorrow, and reparation.

• Summary and Resources

  • Recap key strategies: good memories, gratitude, core needs.

  • Reinforce kind language, mutual respect, and presence.

  • Resources (books, films) available for further learning.