Tags: Couples Therapy Relationships Human Needs Empowerment Connection Strategies Conflict Resolution Relationship Recovery Systems Thinking Therapeutic Communication Trust Conflict Management Emotional Flooding Family Systems Experiential Learning Future Pacing Positive Reframing Strategic Therapy Tailoring Utilization Emotional Management Resilience
Description:
Madanes will present a series of skills, practices and strategies for enhancing relationships. There will be an opportunity for discussion and for practicing some of these skills.
Educational Objectives:
*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*
Outline:
Cloe Madanes' Career and Focus
Shifted focus from childhood/adolescent issues to enhancing adult relationships.
Background includes work at Philadelphia Child Guidance Clinic and teaching roles.
Specialized in psychosis, schizophrenia, sexual and domestic abuse.
Noted decline in family therapy institutes due to managed care and biological emphasis.
Philosophical Influences and Collaboration
Moved from Freudian determinism to an interactional, present-focused view.
Inspired by Viktor Frankl’s ideas on self-determination.
Collaborated with Tony Robbins after observing his seminar in 2001.
Embraced self-determination through values and education.
Educational Outreach and Workshop Goals
Promoted Smart Marriages conference focused on preventing divorce and improving parenting.
Workshop aims: rejuvenate, overcome challenges, and deepen relationships.
Core Principles for Relationships
Advocates cognitive, emotional, and physical mastery.
Describes six relationship positions, from passion to emotional exit.
Suggests beginning sessions with a love meditation.
Daily Practices and Emotional Connection
Recommends daily visualizations and 15-minute loving thoughts.
Introduces “heartfelt understanding” to connect without judgment.
Encourages empathy, benefit of the doubt, and identifying meaningful partner moments.
Universal Human Needs in Couples
Certainty, variety, significance, love/connection, growth, contribution.
Understanding and balancing needs prevents disconnection.
Offers examples for satisfying each other's top needs.
Film and Relationship Tools
Introduces film demonstration of Tony Robbins intervention.
Promotes the Ultimate Relationship Program: DVDs, CDs, workbook.
Designed for couples to use without a therapist and scale impact.
Live Intervention Example
Paul fears loss of self-worth if he leaves; Jennifer seeks love from her kids.
Reveals common pattern: women seeking love through children, not husbands.
Jennifer praised for strength; Paul still feels unfulfilled despite her efforts.
Family and Emotional Dynamics
Paul’s friend reveals financial strains and his feeling of being low priority.
Jen uses humor as defense; she admits emotional certainty comes from family, not Paul.
Robbins encourages Jen to value love over certainty to reconnect.
Commitment Ritual
Paul commits to showing love and strength; Jen commits to making Paul her priority.
Robbins advises Paul to emotionally separate from his mother.
Ends with ritual reinforcing renewed commitment.
Program Impact and Outcomes
Film widely praised, follow-up shows improved happiness.
Sold as part of relationship program; used by military and clergy.
Available at Robbins’ booth and Smart Marriages Conference.
Handling Complex Cases
Dismisses diagnostic labels like personality disorders.
Emphasizes family of origin work and family involvement via cell phone calls.
Against speaking ill of spouse to others.
Affair Recovery
Encourage love meditation and shared responsibility.
Possible to involve third party in therapy or end affair directly.
Example: daily ritual of recrimination and forgiveness to release obsession.
Strengthening Love and Connection
Use Richard Stewart’s strategy: partners list behaviors that show love.
Emphasize small, concrete actions like morning greetings and hugs.
Encourage “passion play” with personalized terms of endearment.
Gratitude and Memory Building
Use good memories (e.g., “Gone With the Wind”) as emotional anchors.
Daily gratitude and appreciation build emotional resilience.
Focus on one human need each week to satisfy partner’s core values.
Trust, Respect, and Communication
Build trust through consistent, respectful actions.
Respect reinforced with cultural examples and boundary-setting.
Encourage present-moment awareness during partner’s emotional expression.
Managing Past and Emotional Overwhelm
Introduce statute of limitations for past mistakes (e.g., 7 years).
“Emotional flooding” uses positive memory visualization.
Address bad memories with public acknowledgment, sorrow, and reparation.
Summary and Resources
Recap key strategies: good memories, gratitude, core needs.
Reinforce kind language, mutual respect, and presence.
Resources (books, films) available for further learning.
Cloé Madanes, HDL, LIC, is a world-renowned innovator and teacher of family and strategic therapy and one of the originators of the strategic approach to family therapy. She has authored seven books that are classics in the field: Strategic Family Therapy; Behind the One-Way Mirror; Sex, Love and Violence; The Violence of Men; The Secret Meaning of Money; The Therapist as Humanist, Social Activist and Systemic Thinker; and Relationship Breakthrough. She has presented her work at professional conferences all over the world and has given keynote addresses for The Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy; the National Association of Social Workers, The Erickson Foundation, the California Psychological Association and many other national and international conferences. Madanes has won several awards for distinguished contribution to psychology and has counseled outstanding individuals from all walks of life.