CC05 Workshop 11 - High Impact Couples Therapy: A Developmental Model to Start and Sustain Effective Treatment and Confrontation with Difficult Couples - Part II - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Outline 

Developmental Model & Intervention Strategies

• Focus on promoting growth and development for each partner.
• Techniques target both interpersonal dynamics and intrapsychic conflicts.
• Introduces Initiator-Inquirer roles and tent cards for structured dialogue.

Self-Initiation, Listening & Managing Anxiety

• Importance of self-initiation—partners express desires clearly.
• Inquirer listens actively without interrupting or deflecting.
• Managing anxiety is crucial for productive conversations.
• Provides sample questions for deeper understanding (e.g., "What does this symbolize?").

Addressing Intrapsychic Issues & Gestalt Two-Chair Work

• Couples often present interpersonal issues masking internal conflicts.
• Gestalt two-chair work helps clients explore and resolve inner conflicts.
• Case example: male partner faces self-destructive behavior impacting the relationship.

Exploring Self-Protective Behaviors & Conflicting Desires

• Clients resist change to avoid pain or out of loyalty.
• Example: Client torn between love for partner and desire for independence.
• Exercises reveal fear of conflict rooted in family dynamics.
• Therapist guides clients toward confronting tough issues rather than avoiding them.

Integrating Internal Parts & Next Steps

• Clients practice integrating conflicting desires (connection vs. independence).
• Prepares couples for future sessions focused on open dialogue and balanced needs.

Exploring Family Origins & Early Influences

• "Bad Day at Black Rock" exercise reveals unmet needs and family patterns.
• Highlights how childhood experiences shape current relationship demands.
• Builds empathy by connecting past experiences to present behaviors.

Confrontation in Couples Therapy

• Defines confrontation as revealing patterns and consequences.
• Six types of confrontation:
  • Soft
  • Empathic
  • Gentle but tough
  • Indirect
  • Hard and tough
  • Bombshell
• Gradual escalation helps avoid client defensiveness.

Confrontation Challenges & Techniques

• Difficulties arise with passive, aggressive, or regressed clients.
• Addresses projection, personalization, and unrealistic beliefs.
• Role of confrontation in breaking symbiotic patterns and promoting accountability.

Projection, Personalization & The Initiator-Inquirer Process

• Helps clients understand the impact of their behaviors on partners.
• Example: Client struggles with personalizing partner’s grief.
• Emphasizes breaking unhealthy cycles of interaction.

Client Testimony & Power of Confrontation

• Client reflects on trauma, fears, and transformative impact of confrontation.
• Confrontation helps clients move beyond status quo and achieve lasting change.