CC05 Conversation Hour 01 - Working with Difficult Couples - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Description:

Educational Objectives:

1. To learn the philosophies of various practitioners and theorists.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline

Introduction & Setup

• Speaker unexpectedly leads a session originally assigned to Janice Springs.
• Topic: Working with Difficult Couples and therapist self-esteem tied to outcomes.
• Discusses the challenge of answering success rate questions in workshops.
• Gauges audience familiarity with their work.

Developmental Model & Couple Types

• Introduces a developmental model focused on relationship stages and skills.
• Two difficult couple types:
  • Hostile, angry, escalating
  • Conflict-avoidant, long-term stuck
• Both types struggle with differentiation and seek symbiotic solutions.
• Differentiation is key to breaking chronic patterns.

Audience Engagement & Questions

• Audience shares goals and questions:
  • Managing difficult couples
  • Pacing therapy when partners grow at different rates
  • Addressing sabotage behavior in one partner

Differentiation & Individual Growth

• Partners typically select mates at similar developmental levels but may grow apart.
• Differentiation defined as expressing oneself while tolerating relational tension.
• Clarifies the difference between differentiation and individuation.
• Early engagement in differentiation by both partners is critical.

Interventions & Brainstorming

• Favorite intervention: Couples brainstorm "yucky" behaviors vs. effective ones.
• Exercise helps uncover defenses and vulnerabilities.
• Insights feed into goal setting and treatment contracts.

Vulnerability & Communication Tools

• Exercise: Partners explore why they hide feelings, probing vulnerability.
• Teaches Initiator-Inquirer model:
  • One partner raises an issue without blame.
  • The other asks open-ended, curious questions.
• Emphasizes therapist role as directive and structured, especially with hostile couples.

Final Takeaways & Audience Q&A

• Highlights importance of treatment contracts and clear expectations early.
• Recommends therapist training through workshops and session assistance.
• Audience asks about directive work—Speaker confirms the need for structure.
• Closes by inviting participants to sign up for their newsletter and wraps with applause.