CC04 Workshop 01 - Confrontation: Being Gentle and Being Tough - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Description:

Couples therapy with challenging partners is a therapy of confrontation. You must be proficient at the nuances of gentle and forceful, but effective confrontation. You must oversee and control the confrontation between your clients, to ensure that it remains productive and positive. Learn to confront the partners, help partners confront each other, and manage yourself when they challenge you.

Educational Objectives:

1. To name five problems that make a committed partnership untenable.
2. To describe six types of confrontation.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline

Confrontation Styles & Therapist Reflections

• Opens by exploring comfort levels with confrontation.
• Shares a personal story where confrontation ended therapy—highlighting risks and rewards.
• Emphasizes confrontation as essential for exposing patterns and enabling change.

Defining Confrontation & Its Role

• Confrontation helps couples face negative behaviors and envision change.
• Therapists challenge the gap between romantic ideals and real behaviors.
• Goal: Hold partners accountable to their own values and goals.

Challenges for Therapists

• Confrontation is taxing; fear of client upset is common.
• Importance of staying centered and open to "I don’t know" moments.
• Personal growth in facing conflict is key.

Common Issues Requiring Confrontation

• Affairs, addiction, trust issues, financial secrets, conflict avoidance.
• Accountability and addressing regression are crucial for change.

Types of Confrontation

• Six types: Soft, empathic, gentle but tough, indirect, hard/tough, bombshell.
• Examples range from mild nudges to ultimatums requiring change.

Video Demonstration & Discussion

• Video of a session using varied confrontation techniques during infidelity work.
• Observations: building intensity, fostering responsibility, and empathic challenges.
• Reflections highlight confrontation’s impact on change.

Observation, Decision-Making, & Therapist Role

• Therapists constantly observe, synthesize, and intervene.
• Cultural, gender, personal histories, and therapist countertransference shape decisions.
• Deciding who and where to confront is critical.

Motivations Behind Confrontation

• Partners often want to confront addiction or behavior issues.
• Therapist helps clarify healthy motives vs. revenge or punishment.

Confronting Symbiosis, Passivity & Fantasies

• Addresses fantasies of unconditional love and passive expectations.
• Helps clients grieve those fantasies and engage in real change.

Confronting Aggression

• Directly confronting aggression and its emotional impact on partners.
• Guiding clients to own and understand their anger’s roots.

Role-Play & Real Examples

• Therapist challenges superficial fights to reach core issues.
• Example: Confronting weight and responsibility in a marriage dynamic.

Reflections & Client Impact

• Client feedback: confrontation was transformative.
• Emphasis on simple but powerful interventions that move clients out of "safe" status quo.