BT06 Workshop 19 - Couples Workshops as a Form of Brief Therapy - Ellyn Bader, PhD, and Peter Pearson, PhD

Description:

Couples in our society are very isolated from other couples and from "what is normal" in a relationship. Couples workshops provide a unique opportunity to de-mystify relationship stress and change destructive cycles quickly. Attendees will have an opportunity to experience effective exercises used in couple's workshops.

Educational Objectives:

1. To describe how to develop an outline for a couples workshop.
2. To describe a graduated series of exercises designed to create a positive interpersonal dialogue between high distress partners.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline

Introduction and Participant Backgrounds

• Workshop begins with warm welcome and early audience engagement.
• Participants share motivations for attending, including addressing intergenerational PTSD, low workshop turnout in faith-based settings, and success with previous couples workshops.
• Themes include a desire to create meaningful group therapy experiences and recognition of how quickly couples can shift with brief interventions.

Presenters' Backgrounds and Workshop Formats

• Presenters discuss decades of experience running workshops and training therapists.
• Various workshop formats are covered: weekend intensives, ongoing groups, and short-term models.
• Importance of building motivation and buy-in from couples is highlighted.
• Story shared about working with a hostile couple to illustrate growth potential in group settings.

Challenges and Techniques in Couples Workshops

• Couples often arrive with tension, fear, or resistance, making early safety-building essential.
• Group settings encourage learning through observation and shared experiences.
• Therapists must be comfortable with conflict and create an open, engaging environment.
• Focus is placed on individual change and modeling healthy behaviors.

Effective Techniques and Personal Experiences

• Language framing is crucial—focus on effort and progress over blame or immediate resolution.
• Techniques include “praising progress,” assigning homework, and using inspiring stories.
• Emphasis on teaching principles rather than offering one-size-fits-all solutions.
• Clear, concise instructions improve engagement and follow-through.

Interactive Exercises and Group Dynamics

• Workshop design includes chevron seating for interaction and volunteer therapist support.
• Demonstrations, role-plays, and real-time feedback help illustrate techniques.
• Participants are guided to clarify points, identify feelings, and reduce negative feedback loops.
• Safety and support are prioritized for vulnerable discussions.

Building Trust and Teamwork in Relationships

• The “bubble” metaphor is introduced to represent trust, learning, and mutual care.
• Trust, reliability, and mutual accountability are foundational for relationship health.
• Personal stories are shared to illustrate the power of teamwork and connection.
• Therapists and couples both benefit from the personal growth fostered in workshops.

Brainstorming Ineffective Communication

• Group identifies common unhelpful behaviors: blame, name-calling, withdrawal.
• Emphasis on therapist awareness of these patterns and strategies for intervention.
• Encouragement to replace negativity with constructive tools and communication structures.

Couples Communication Challenges

• Phrases like “we need to talk” often spark defensiveness and conflict.
• Cultural humor and real-world anecdotes highlight typical communication breakdowns.
• Partners often avoid discussing positive traits, fueling disconnection and resentment.

Handling Personality Disorders in Relationships

• Practical strategies offered for navigating relationships where one partner may have a personality disorder.
• Focus is on the experience of the partner, not on reforming the other.
• Effective questioning and emotional validation are emphasized over giving advice.

Cultural Differences and Communication Barriers

• Challenges of shifting long-standing cultural patterns around gender and communication are discussed.
• Importance of emotional safety and managing anxiety in cross-cultural contexts.
• Differentiation is introduced as a tool for resilience and clear self-expression.

Effective Communication Techniques

• Core skills include praise, empathy, humor, passion, listening, and appreciation.
• Examples from military and diplomatic contexts illustrate how empathy builds cooperation.
• Encouragement to find emotionally regulated partners and build relational safety through communication.

Dealing with Inflators and Deflators

• Inflators respond to stress with energy and control; deflators withdraw or comply resentfully.
• Behavior often masks deeper emotions like helplessness or insecurity.
• Recognizing patterns helps reduce misinterpretation and escalation.

Changing Ineffective Behaviors

• Participants identify personal conflict scenarios and desired behavioral changes.
• Body-based techniques like leg tapping are introduced to access the emotional brain.
• Specificity in identifying situations and emotions enhances learning and habit change.

Creating a Positive Image

• Participants develop a self-image for handling conflict effectively, paired with a “power word.”
• Self-acceptance statements help integrate new behaviors and shift negative self-perceptions.

Handling Internal Conflicts

• Internal dilemmas (e.g., saving vs. spending) are common and impact relationship dynamics.
• Emphasis is placed on managing, not solving, internal conflicts.
• Understanding inner parts can help partners navigate decisions with more empathy.

Effective Problem-Solving in Relationships

• Structured communication models focus on empathy, clarity, and listening.
• The complaining partner articulates emotions; the listener asks questions and summarizes.
• This structure reduces defensiveness and encourages emotional safety.

Integrating Power Words and Higher Self

• Couples practice tapping and using “power words” to communicate from their higher self.
• Reduces anxiety, reactivity, and the need for rigid structure.
• Inspired by the “Quest of the Mythical Mate” model for compassionate connection.

Creating a Collaborative Environment

• Emphasis on teamwork and autonomous change to influence the couple dynamic.
• Collaborative therapy models foster shared ownership of relationship growth.
• CE units and ongoing training opportunities are offered through additional workshops.

Benefits and Accessibility of Workshops

• Workshops receive positive feedback, attracting participants from across the U.S. and abroad.
• No fees are charged, but travel and lodging are self-funded.
• Free resources (e.g., newsletters, flyers) are provided to support the broader therapy community.

Challenges and Techniques for Therapists’ Partners

• Partners of therapists may feel insecure about emotional expression.
• Workshops validate diverse emotional communication styles and foster mutual understanding.
• Skills are offered to support confidence and connection in non-clinical partners.

Visual Metaphor for Workshop Learnings

• Couples visualize entering an “empty room” of conflict and exiting with new tools and insights.
• The metaphor illustrates how conflict can be reframed, revisited, and resolved.
• Practice and repetition are key to building long-term relational growth and change.