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BT06 Workshop 19 - Couples Workshops as a Form of Brief Therapy - Ellyn Bader, PhD, and Peter Pearson, PhD


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Topic Areas:
Workshops |  Brief Therapy |  Couples Therapy |  Developmental Psychology |  Family Systems |  Group Therapy |  Humanistic Psychology
Categories:
Brief Therapy Conference |  Brief Therapy Conference 2006
Faculty:
Ellyn Bader, PhD |  Peter Pearson, PhD
Duration:
2:38:13
Format:
Audio Only
Original Program Date:
Dec 09, 2006
License:
Never Expires.



Description

Description:

Couples in our society are very isolated from other couples and from "what is normal" in a relationship. Couples workshops provide a unique opportunity to de-mystify relationship stress and change destructive cycles quickly. Attendees will have an opportunity to experience effective exercises used in couple's workshops.

Educational Objectives:

  1. To describe how to develop an outline for a couples workshop.
  2. To describe a graduated series of exercises designed to create a positive interpersonal dialogue between high distress partners.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline

Introduction and Participant Backgrounds

  • Workshop begins with warm welcome and early audience engagement.
  • Participants share motivations for attending, including addressing intergenerational PTSD, low workshop turnout in faith-based settings, and success with previous couples workshops.
  • Themes include a desire to create meaningful group therapy experiences and recognition of how quickly couples can shift with brief interventions.

Presenters' Backgrounds and Workshop Formats

  • Presenters discuss decades of experience running workshops and training therapists.
  • Various workshop formats are covered: weekend intensives, ongoing groups, and short-term models.
  • Importance of building motivation and buy-in from couples is highlighted.
  • Story shared about working with a hostile couple to illustrate growth potential in group settings.

Challenges and Techniques in Couples Workshops

  • Couples often arrive with tension, fear, or resistance, making early safety-building essential.
  • Group settings encourage learning through observation and shared experiences.
  • Therapists must be comfortable with conflict and create an open, engaging environment.
  • Focus is placed on individual change and modeling healthy behaviors.

Effective Techniques and Personal Experiences

  • Language framing is crucial—focus on effort and progress over blame or immediate resolution.
  • Techniques include “praising progress,” assigning homework, and using inspiring stories.
  • Emphasis on teaching principles rather than offering one-size-fits-all solutions.
  • Clear, concise instructions improve engagement and follow-through.

Interactive Exercises and Group Dynamics

  • Workshop design includes chevron seating for interaction and volunteer therapist support.
  • Demonstrations, role-plays, and real-time feedback help illustrate techniques.
  • Participants are guided to clarify points, identify feelings, and reduce negative feedback loops.
  • Safety and support are prioritized for vulnerable discussions.

Building Trust and Teamwork in Relationships

  • The “bubble” metaphor is introduced to represent trust, learning, and mutual care.
  • Trust, reliability, and mutual accountability are foundational for relationship health.
  • Personal stories are shared to illustrate the power of teamwork and connection.
  • Therapists and couples both benefit from the personal growth fostered in workshops.

Brainstorming Ineffective Communication

  • Group identifies common unhelpful behaviors: blame, name-calling, withdrawal.
  • Emphasis on therapist awareness of these patterns and strategies for intervention.
  • Encouragement to replace negativity with constructive tools and communication structures.

Couples Communication Challenges

  • Phrases like “we need to talk” often spark defensiveness and conflict.
  • Cultural humor and real-world anecdotes highlight typical communication breakdowns.
  • Partners often avoid discussing positive traits, fueling disconnection and resentment.

Handling Personality Disorders in Relationships

  • Practical strategies offered for navigating relationships where one partner may have a personality disorder.
  • Focus is on the experience of the partner, not on reforming the other.
  • Effective questioning and emotional validation are emphasized over giving advice.

Cultural Differences and Communication Barriers

  • Challenges of shifting long-standing cultural patterns around gender and communication are discussed.
  • Importance of emotional safety and managing anxiety in cross-cultural contexts.
  • Differentiation is introduced as a tool for resilience and clear self-expression.

Effective Communication Techniques

  • Core skills include praise, empathy, humor, passion, listening, and appreciation.
  • Examples from military and diplomatic contexts illustrate how empathy builds cooperation.
  • Encouragement to find emotionally regulated partners and build relational safety through communication.

Dealing with Inflators and Deflators

  • Inflators respond to stress with energy and control; deflators withdraw or comply resentfully.
  • Behavior often masks deeper emotions like helplessness or insecurity.
  • Recognizing patterns helps reduce misinterpretation and escalation.

Changing Ineffective Behaviors

  • Participants identify personal conflict scenarios and desired behavioral changes.
  • Body-based techniques like leg tapping are introduced to access the emotional brain.
  • Specificity in identifying situations and emotions enhances learning and habit change.

Creating a Positive Image

  • Participants develop a self-image for handling conflict effectively, paired with a “power word.”
  • Self-acceptance statements help integrate new behaviors and shift negative self-perceptions.

Handling Internal Conflicts

  • Internal dilemmas (e.g., saving vs. spending) are common and impact relationship dynamics.
  • Emphasis is placed on managing, not solving, internal conflicts.
  • Understanding inner parts can help partners navigate decisions with more empathy.

Effective Problem-Solving in Relationships

  • Structured communication models focus on empathy, clarity, and listening.
  • The complaining partner articulates emotions; the listener asks questions and summarizes.
  • This structure reduces defensiveness and encourages emotional safety.

Integrating Power Words and Higher Self

  • Couples practice tapping and using “power words” to communicate from their higher self.
  • Reduces anxiety, reactivity, and the need for rigid structure.
  • Inspired by the “Quest of the Mythical Mate” model for compassionate connection.

Creating a Collaborative Environment

  • Emphasis on teamwork and autonomous change to influence the couple dynamic.
  • Collaborative therapy models foster shared ownership of relationship growth.
  • CE units and ongoing training opportunities are offered through additional workshops.

Benefits and Accessibility of Workshops

  • Workshops receive positive feedback, attracting participants from across the U.S. and abroad.
  • No fees are charged, but travel and lodging are self-funded.
  • Free resources (e.g., newsletters, flyers) are provided to support the broader therapy community.

Challenges and Techniques for Therapists’ Partners

  • Partners of therapists may feel insecure about emotional expression.
  • Workshops validate diverse emotional communication styles and foster mutual understanding.
  • Skills are offered to support confidence and connection in non-clinical partners.

Visual Metaphor for Workshop Learnings

  • Couples visualize entering an “empty room” of conflict and exiting with new tools and insights.
  • The metaphor illustrates how conflict can be reframed, revisited, and resolved.
  • Practice and repetition are key to building long-term relational growth and change.

Credits



Faculty

Ellyn Bader, PhD's Profile

Ellyn Bader, PhD Related Seminars and Products


Ellyn Bader, PhD, is a founder and director of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California. As a clinical psychologist, workshop leader, author, and speaker, she is dedicated to helping couples create extraordinary relationships. Over the past 30 years she has trained therapists in couples therapy throughout the United States as well as Europe, Asia, South America, and Australia. She served as a Clinical Faculty in Stanford University School of Medicine for 8 years.


Peter Pearson, PhD's Profile

Peter Pearson, PhD Related Seminars and Products


Peter Pearson, Ph.D., has specialized in helping couples transform their relationships. He and his wife, Dr. Ellyn Bader are pioneers in the field of couples therapy, creating The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy and founding The Couples Institute long before couples therapy was recognized as a specialty. As a therapist, workshop leader, author, and speaker, Pete is dedicated to helping couples create extraordinary relationships. He and his wife have been featured on over 50 radio and television programs including “The Today Show” and “CBS Early Morning News.”


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