Perhaps one of the most challenging aspects of affair recovery is the worry by the betrayed partner that the unfaithful partner has not in fact ended contact with the affair partner or will re-establish contact. This can be especially pernicious and enduring when the unfaithful partner has been discovered to have had additional contact after vowing to end it. For many betrayed partners, these subsequent discoveries can feel like even deeper betrayals than the initial infidelity, even more salt in the wound. The unfaithful partner will swear up and down that there has not been any additional contact and that there will not be in the future. The betrayed partner desperately wants to believe it, but also needs to protect themself against further pain. The dilemma for both partners (and the therapist) is that we cannot prove a non-event–it’s possible to show that something did happen, but a lack of evidence may also simply mean that it has not yet been discovered. “Is it really over?”
The initial session may be even more important for couple therapy than individual therapy because the partners often have different levels of motivation and competing ideas about what problems to work on. They may also hijack the session when their reactivity is high, and then feel that nothing was accomplished. In this workshop, you will hear three experienced couple therapists describe how they take charge of the first session while communicating empathically with the couple, what key information they gather, and how they form a working alliance with two people who are at odds with each other.
The needs of couples change as our times are changing. Flexibility around sexuality, gender and betrayal are skills that we need to continue to incorporate. This panel will discuss issues of gender, identity shifts, sex and intimacy, and multiculturalism that modern couples encounter in their relationships. We will also discuss alternative and modern monogamy structures and how to create new monogamy agreements.
Extrinsic forces, centered in racism, classism, sexism, heteronormativity, ageism, ableism, and other intersecting identities impact relationships. However, they factors are not extrinsic, as we are all steeped in and operate from or are operated on, but these factors making them all too present and, unfortunately, made invisible to us as clinicians and the relational systems that we work with. The panel will define these factors, explore the power of their invisibility and impacts on relationships at the micro, mezzo and macros levels of experience and discuss their clinical implications on relational and systemic therapies.
Motivational factors may be central in the life of a couple. The panel will describe conflicts due to motivational factors and provide therapeutic options.
Clients generally understand what they need but fail to comply with their own directives and those of the therapists. Resistance will be analyzed from three different therapeutic models.
The underlying principles of couples therapy differ from individual therapy for both assessment and treatment. The panelist will discuss and contrast their models.