CC22 Workshop 05 - Polarization in Intimate and Civic Life - William Doherty, PhD

During this time of extreme polarization in the country, political stress has invaded couple relationships. Loyalties to different political tribes create tensions, as do different ways of coping with this stressful environment. This is new territory for couples therapists, and of course we are dealing with our own distress about what’s going on the country. The presenter will offer clinical strategies for helping couples in turbulent times, along with examples of how he has applied couples therapy strategies to create community interventions to reduce polarization, via the nonprofit Braver Angels.

Learning Objectives:

1. Participants identify the major sources of political polarization in contemporary society.

2. They describe the effects of political stress on couple relationships.

3. They discuss general ways to help couples cope with political stress.

4. They identify ways that couples therapy knowledge can apply to political polarization.

Outline:

• Introduction to Polarization

  • Political polarization is now deeply embedded in both civic and intimate life.

  • Current levels are compared to those before the Civil War.

  • Polarization shows up as othering, dislike/distrust, and moralizing.

• Societal Impact

  • Inter-party marriage discomfort has risen from 5% (1960) to 40–45%.

  • Polarization affects workplaces, schools, universities, and families.

  • Companies and institutions increasingly take political stances.

• Causes of Polarization

  • Key drivers: media silos, social media, gerrymandering, inequality, political money, and low civic trust.

  • Social media intensifies division and misinformation.

• Emotional Reactions

  • People's feelings about political opponents range from hatred to respect.

  • Emotional tension often plays out in couple relationships.

• Couples Therapy Insights

  • 30% of couples are politically mismatched.

  • Common roles in conflict: Gladiator, Defender, Sniper, Bystander, Peacemaker, Engager.

  • Therapists should assess relationship history, conflict patterns, and third-party influence (e.g., in-laws).

• Clinical Strategies

  • Focus on shared values, distinguish belief from behavior, and build communication skills.

• Braver Angels Overview

  • Nonprofit founded post-2016 to bridge divides through workshops and debates.

  • Workshops like Red/Blue, Depolarizing Oneself, and Race Conversations foster empathy and understanding.

  • Over 1000 trained moderators, 1800+ events held.

• Case Study: Susie and Rick

  • A couple with religious/political differences improved communication after structured coaching.

  • Shifted from confrontation to mutual understanding around shared concerns.

• Workshop Demonstrations

  • Fishbowl exercises used to facilitate empathy and listening.

  • Couples therapy adapts similar methods to foster connection.

• Braver Politics

  • New initiative working with elected officials to promote bipartisan collaboration.

  • Focus on shared life stories and values to build trust.

• Civic Engagement

  • Speaker encourages political involvement, emphasizing organizing and donating for influence.

  • Warns against passive frustration and urges active participation.

• Addressing Conspiracy Beliefs

  • Set clear boundaries with family members who push conspiracy theories.

  • Respect differences while protecting personal relationships.

• Role of Therapists

  • Therapists should avoid reinforcing polarization and maintain neutrality.

  • Can be powerful agents of depolarization in their work and communities.

• Key Communication Challenges

  • The "Four Horsemen" of polarization: stereotyping, dismissing, ridiculing, contempt.

  • Emphasizes respectful conversation, especially within families.

• Final Thoughts

  • Braver Angels has received national media attention.

  • The session closes with encouragement to continue the work of bridging divides through understanding and engagement.