CC18 Workshop 08 - Curiosity and Wonder - Harville Hendrix, PhD and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD

Description:

Curiosity is the path to wonder. Most workshops focus on processes therapists can learn to help couples remove the constraints to the relationship they want. In this workshop, participants will learn about wonder as the ultimate quality of a thriving relationship and discover techniques that help intimate partners transition from judgment to curiosity and wonder.

Educational Objectives:

1. Describe the concept of curiosity as the path to wonder.
2. Discuss the concept of discovering the "other" as the essential condition of connecting.
3. Demonstrate and lead couples in processes that help them transition from judgment to curiosity and creativity.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction and Workshop Overview

• Hosted by the Milton H. Erickson Foundation; led by Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD.

• Focused on “curiosity and wonder” as vital qualities in the relational space.

• Emphasized the difference between Imago therapy and relationship education as part of a social movement.

Historical Context and Paradigm Shift

• Psychotherapy began with Freud’s individual-focused model.

• The relational paradigm—rooted in quantum mechanics—views people as interconnected.

• The couple, not the individual, is the core unit of human nature.

• Negative interactions disrupt energy in the relational space between people.

The Nature of Human Connection

• Human beings are defined by connection; connecting is "being."

• Curiosity and wonder are natural but are replaced by anxiety in conflict.

• Therapy aims to restore curiosity and wonder through dialogue.

• Wonder-based dialog shifts focus from “mirroring” to deeper inquiry.

Power of Curiosity and Wonder

• Asking “Is there more about that?” deepens relational connection.

• Genuine interest in others creates emotional safety and validation.

• Wonder dialog helps express appreciation and see each other anew.

Practical Exercises and Participant Reflections

• Participants practiced the wonder dialog in pairs.

• Techniques included eye contact and mindful breathing to build connection.

• Shared outcomes included feelings of gratitude, being seen, and emotional closeness.

Brain Science and Relationships

• Wonder activates the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex.

• Integrating left and right brain functions enhances relational healing.

• Neuroplasticity supports the development of connection through repeated practice.

• Personal stories illustrated how brain-based shifts supported marital growth.

The Zero Negativity Pledge

• Introduced a pledge to eliminate negativity for 90 days.

• Aims to shift relational energy and foster fast repair after conflict.

• Participants were encouraged to sign the pledge as a relational commitment.

Steps to Wonder and Closing

• Seven steps to deepen relational wonder: acknowledge, accept, appreciate, admire, affirm, advocate, adore.

• Encouraged to embrace and celebrate each partner’s “otherness.”

• Workshop concluded with a call to bring curiosity and wonder into daily relationship life