We have all been taught that our romantic partner should end our misery and make us feel happy and alive. When he or she doesn’t we wonder if they’re the right one. Yet, for most of us, no partner is capable of keeping our heads above the pools of pain and shame we bring to intimate relationships. Only we can drain those pools and become the primary caretakers for the young, needy parts of us that are drowning in those pools. Once this inner trust is achieved, we can love our partners courageously and unconditionally because we don’t need them to always do the heavy lifting of our spirits. Released from being our primary emotional caretakers, they can revel in the freedom that comes with being the secondary one.
*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*
Richard Schwartz, PhD, began his career as a systemic family therapist and an academic, at the University of Illinois and at Northwestern University. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr . Schwartz developed the Internal Family Systems model (IFS) in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. In 2000, he founded the Center for Self Leadership (www.selfleadership.org), which offers three levels of trainings and workshops in IFS for professionals and the general public, both in this country and abroad. A featured speaker for national and international professional organizations, Dr. Schwartz has published five books and over fifty articles about IFS.
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