CC09 Conversation Hour 01 - Differentiation in Action - Video Demonstration - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Description:

Educational Objectives:

1. To learn the philosophies of couples’ practitioners.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline 

Session Introduction

• Speaker thanks participants and references Talent is Overrated—dedication matters more than talent.
• Mentions free newsletters, training, and online learning opportunities.
• Session introduces differentiation with a video demonstration of couples in therapy.

Understanding Differentiation

• Differentiation is expressing true desires while staying connected.
• Misconception: differentiation is false independence.
• Key: teach partners to express needs without avoiding conflict.

Video Demonstration – Couples & Common Struggles

• Couple 1: She wants to work; he’s against it—polarization risk.
• Couple 2: She works full-time; he’s part-time and disengaged from kids—she fears expressing needs.
• Therapy focus: help partners define feelings and overcome avoidance.

Emotional & Cultural Differences in Couples

• Couple 3: She wants to leave the Catholic Church; he is deeply committed—religious tension.
• Couple 4: She wants to sell the house; he’s emotionally attached—symbolizes grief and loss.
• Importance of hearing emotions behind conflicts.
• Group shares common “forbidden” therapy topics: eating disorders, class, abuse.

Addressing Hidden Issues

• Hidden issues like hygiene, secret children, or unspoken desires block differentiation.
• Therapists must explore uncomfortable topics to promote growth and honesty.

Case Discussions – Coordination of Individual and Couples Work

• Case 1: Husband avoids conflict, pleases wife, builds resentment.
  • Advice: coordinate individual and couples therapy; avoid bypassing conflict work.
• Case 2: Husband opposes wife working—discussion on mixing individual and couples sessions.
  • Individual work helps uncover underlying dynamics.

Case Discussion – Pornography & Emotional Detachment

• Client addicted to porn, wife emotionally distant, contemplating separation.
• Suggest exploring blocks to differentiation and potential group therapy.
• Focus on identifying root issues driving detachment and avoidance.