CC08 Workshop 05 - A Developmental Approach to Couples Therapy: An Introduction to Attachment and Differentiation in Couples Therapy - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Description:

Using a developmental lens is a powerful way to lead couples to make sustained change. Learn how developmental principles can help you assess what is wrong and then guide and shape your treatment decisions. Videotapes and clinical case examples will be used throughout the workshop to demonstrate how to challenge symbiosis, facilitate differentiation and build the capacities to sustain intimacy.

Educational Objectives:

1. To describe a central dynamic that leads to affairs.
2. Given a couple, describe when to intervene at an intra-psychic level, and when to intervene systemically.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline 

Workshop Introduction & Framework

• Goal: Teach therapists to think developmentally and act decisively.
• Combines attachment, differentiation, and neuroscience.
• Therapist’s leadership role is key to setting tone and breaking negative patterns.

Developmental Stages in Couples Therapy

• Couples evolve through predictable developmental stages paralleling childhood.
• Early bonding, differentiation, managing differences, and interdependence.
• Many couples get stuck in bonding and need help moving into differentiation.

Common Relationship Challenges

• Lack of development, repeated trauma triggers, and skill deficits cause breakdowns.
• Technology (e.g., texting) intensifies communication issues.
• Therapists must help couples repair hurts and build new skills.

Effective Therapy Blueprint

• Strong assessment, goal-setting, and quick interventions to shift negative cycles.
• Use of attachment interviews and developmental history tools.
• Focus on intrapsychic work and skill-building for long-term change.

Case Study & Interactive Exercise

• Couple struggles with anxiety triggered by lack of instant message replies.
• Group exercise explores empathic interventions and shared fears.
• Emphasis on understanding past trauma and attachment wounds.

Understanding Triggers & the Vulnerability Cycle

• One partner’s vulnerability triggers the other’s survival response.
• Couples repeat negative patterns unless vulnerabilities are addressed.
• Historical wounds (e.g., affairs, emotional walls) resurface in current conflicts.

Building Empathy & Communication Skills

• Focus on breaking repetitive patterns and improving empathy.
• Teaching couples to express needs without triggering defenses.
• Communication practice helps partners reduce reactivity and increase connection.

Differentiation vs. Over-Focus on Attachment

• Differentiation: defining self and managing anxiety while staying connected.
• Therapists must balance attachment work with developmental tasks.
• Attachment isn’t inherently pathological; therapists guide partners toward independence.

Challenging and Supporting Growth

• Therapists balance pushing partners to step up while providing support.
• Help couples build resilience and persistence in expressing needs.
• Reframing negative patterns fosters optimism and connection.

Trust, Honesty & Repair

• Directly address trust issues like infidelity or pornography use.
• Rebuilding trust involves accountability and open communication.
• Couples must develop the emotional capacity to handle hard truths.

Developing Resilience & Managing Conflict

• Encourage partners to persist through tough conversations.
• Reframing negative thinking promotes a more hopeful outlook.
• Therapists teach skills to manage conflict and reduce emotional shutdowns.

Addressing Developmental Impasses

• Identify where couples are stuck developmentally.
• Interventions focus on building necessary capacities for growth.
• Support couples in learning how to handle complexity and maintain connection.

Effective Intervention Principles

• Balance challenge and support in sessions.
• Help couples move beyond repetitive cycles into growth stages.
• Focus on communication, empathy, trust, and resilience-building.