CC05 Workshop 02 - The Fundamentals of Relational Recovery Therapy - Terry Real, LICSW

Description:

This workshop introduces participants to the fundamentals of Relational Recovery Therapy, a new approach to couples therapy. The workshop follows the phases for treatment: empowering the woman; connecting the man; relational "diagnosis"; prerequisites for intimacy; describing a new vision of love; learning relational skills; amplifying progress; building a relational sub-culture. This workshop will look closely at the art of therapeutic truth telling.

Educational Objectives:

1. To describe how to proactively "install" new skills in couples therapy.
2. To name three ways to shift abusive behaviors.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction and Background

• Terry Real introduces himself as a family therapist, author, and founder of Relational Recovery (now Relationship Empowerment Therapy).

• Shares personal background and acknowledges key figures in the audience.

• Describes his professional evolution, including books and training programs.

Relational Empowerment Therapy Overview

• Developed to work with high-conflict couples, especially those on the brink.

• Builds on a belief in our innate capacity for connection and intimacy.

• Emphasizes a shift from traditional neutrality in therapy to truth-telling and empowerment.

Gender Roles and Relationship Dynamics

• Highlights the cultural lag: women have evolved, men often haven’t.

• Women seek intimacy, while men may feel overwhelmed or entitled.

• Describes the asymmetry in relational skill sets and expectations.

Traditional vs. Empowerment-Based Therapy

• Traditional therapy stays neutral; empowerment therapy sides with the more relationally responsible partner (often the woman).

• Introduces “latent” (accommodating) vs. “blatant” (grandiose, entitled) roles.

• Calls therapists to challenge blatant partners and empower the latent ones.

Working with Grandiosity and Shame

• Grandiosity in men often masks deeper shame; both need to be addressed.

• Uses leverage to make dysfunction more painful than change.

• Employs a “bottoming out” process to foster readiness for change.

Empowering Women

• Encourages women to stand up for cherishing relationships and to “rock the boat.”

• Helps women own their power and influence within the relationship.

• Uses children as motivational leverage for resistant partners.

Family of Origin Work

• Emphasizes understanding relational patterns through early experiences.

• Encourages therapists to practice empathy without excusing harmful behavior.

• Uses self-disclosure to deepen client connection.

Therapeutic Techniques

• Confront and redirect dysfunctional behavior directly in session.

• Teach clients through role-play and modeling healthy relational moves.

• Emphasize connection to the functional adult self while addressing wounded/adaptive child parts.

Shifting Behavior Through Skills and Accountability

• Teach both partners practical relational skills, including how to apologize.

• Reinforce behavioral changes through specific, concrete feedback.

• Help clients recognize and avoid “losing strategies” in conflict.

Support Systems and External Accountability

• Encourage participation in outside groups (e.g., 12-step, men’s/women’s groups).

• Build a relational support culture around the couple.

• Offer ongoing support via virtual resources and community connections.

Handling Resistance and Leverage

• Use leverage when clients are resistant or stuck.

• Detach from the outcome—focus on client choices and readiness.

• Understand when further therapy may not be productive without client commitment.

Addressing Love Addiction and Dependency

• Identify when clients are love-addicted or dependent before moving to relationship work.

• Treat underlying psychiatric issues or self-medication first.

• Teach independence and healthy intimacy.

Teaching Healthy Shame and Remorse

• Distinguish between toxic and healthy shame.

• Guide clients through the shame cycle to reach functional self-awareness.

• Teach remorse without collapse—feel bad about behavior, not self-worth.