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Audio Stream

CC05 Workshop 02 - The Fundamentals of Relational Recovery Therapy - Terry Real, LICSW


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Topic Areas:
Workshops |  Couples Therapy |  Relational Life Therapy Model (RLT) |  Family Systems |  Trauma |  Gender
Categories:
Couples Conference |  Couples Conference 2005 |  Pioneers in Couples and Family Therapy
Faculty:
Terry Real, LICSW
Duration:
1:52:59
Format:
Audio Only
Original Program Date:
Mar 04, 2005
License:
Never Expires.



Description

Description:

This workshop introduces participants to the fundamentals of Relational Recovery Therapy, a new approach to couples therapy. The workshop follows the phases for treatment: empowering the woman; connecting the man; relational "diagnosis"; prerequisites for intimacy; describing a new vision of love; learning relational skills; amplifying progress; building a relational sub-culture. This workshop will look closely at the art of therapeutic truth telling.

Educational Objectives:

  1. To describe how to proactively "install" new skills in couples therapy.
  2. To name three ways to shift abusive behaviors.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction and Background

  • Terry Real introduces himself as a family therapist, author, and founder of Relational Recovery (now Relationship Empowerment Therapy).

  • Shares personal background and acknowledges key figures in the audience.

  • Describes his professional evolution, including books and training programs.

Relational Empowerment Therapy Overview

  • Developed to work with high-conflict couples, especially those on the brink.

  • Builds on a belief in our innate capacity for connection and intimacy.

  • Emphasizes a shift from traditional neutrality in therapy to truth-telling and empowerment.

Gender Roles and Relationship Dynamics

  • Highlights the cultural lag: women have evolved, men often haven’t.

  • Women seek intimacy, while men may feel overwhelmed or entitled.

  • Describes the asymmetry in relational skill sets and expectations.

Traditional vs. Empowerment-Based Therapy

  • Traditional therapy stays neutral; empowerment therapy sides with the more relationally responsible partner (often the woman).

  • Introduces “latent” (accommodating) vs. “blatant” (grandiose, entitled) roles.

  • Calls therapists to challenge blatant partners and empower the latent ones.

Working with Grandiosity and Shame

  • Grandiosity in men often masks deeper shame; both need to be addressed.

  • Uses leverage to make dysfunction more painful than change.

  • Employs a “bottoming out” process to foster readiness for change.

Empowering Women

  • Encourages women to stand up for cherishing relationships and to “rock the boat.”

  • Helps women own their power and influence within the relationship.

  • Uses children as motivational leverage for resistant partners.

Family of Origin Work

  • Emphasizes understanding relational patterns through early experiences.

  • Encourages therapists to practice empathy without excusing harmful behavior.

  • Uses self-disclosure to deepen client connection.

Therapeutic Techniques

  • Confront and redirect dysfunctional behavior directly in session.

  • Teach clients through role-play and modeling healthy relational moves.

  • Emphasize connection to the functional adult self while addressing wounded/adaptive child parts.

Shifting Behavior Through Skills and Accountability

  • Teach both partners practical relational skills, including how to apologize.

  • Reinforce behavioral changes through specific, concrete feedback.

  • Help clients recognize and avoid “losing strategies” in conflict.

Support Systems and External Accountability

  • Encourage participation in outside groups (e.g., 12-step, men’s/women’s groups).

  • Build a relational support culture around the couple.

  • Offer ongoing support via virtual resources and community connections.

Handling Resistance and Leverage

  • Use leverage when clients are resistant or stuck.

  • Detach from the outcome—focus on client choices and readiness.

  • Understand when further therapy may not be productive without client commitment.

Addressing Love Addiction and Dependency

  • Identify when clients are love-addicted or dependent before moving to relationship work.

  • Treat underlying psychiatric issues or self-medication first.

  • Teach independence and healthy intimacy.

Teaching Healthy Shame and Remorse

  • Distinguish between toxic and healthy shame.

  • Guide clients through the shame cycle to reach functional self-awareness.

  • Teach remorse without collapse—feel bad about behavior, not self-worth.

Credits



Faculty

Terry Real, LICSW's Profile

Terry Real, LICSW Related Seminars and Products


Terry Real, LICSW, is a nationally recognized family therapist, author, and teacher. He is particularly known for his groundbreaking work on men and male psychology as well as his work on gender and couples; he has been in private practice for over twenty-five years. Terry has appeared often as the relationship expert for Good Morning America and ABC News. His work has been featured in numerous academic articles as well as media venues such as Oprah, 20/20, The Today Show, CNN, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Psychology Today and many others.


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