CC05 Keynote 02 - Relational Empowerment: A New Model for Couples and Couples Therapy - Terry Real, LICSW

Description:

For the first time in history, empowered women are asking for emotional intimacy in their relationships. Many men are coming up short leaving them unfulfilled, frustrated, bewildered and unloved. Traditional therapy sidesteps this basic asymmetry - Rational Empowerment Therapy addresses it. In this address, participants will be introduced to the art of relational empowerment. This radical new approach to intimacy and couples therapy will look at the five losing agendas that waylay good people from fulfilling their goals. This address also will introduce participants to the fundamental techniques of Terry Real's Relationship Turnaround, a method of producing quick, profound and permanent change in troubled couples.

Educational Objectives:

1. To name five losing agendas.
2. To describe a method to get to the heart of a problem quickly.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction to Terry Real and His Work

• Introduced as an expert on men’s issues and author of How Can I Get Through to You and Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression.

• Praised for his directness and challenging the myth of 50/50 responsibility in couples therapy.

• Invited to deliver a keynote and two workshops for deeper exploration.

Audience Engagement

• Opens with questions about audience experience and relationship status.

• Offers humorous consultation and shares a personal realization about his own marriage.

• Provides handouts and an email sign-up for more resources.

Overview of Relational Recovery Therapy (RRT)

• Introduces RRT (also called Relationship Empowerment Therapy), developed five years prior.

• Describes success with two-day intensive sessions that often lead to breakthroughs or separation.

• Mentions his training institute and commitment to financial accessibility.

Historical and Gender Context

• Notes the empowerment of women over the past decades, while men’s emotional growth has lagged.

• Describes the shift from traditional "companionable" marriage to today’s demand for emotional intimacy.

• Highlights the emotional mismatch: women seek connection, while men feel confused and defensive.

Contrast with Traditional Therapy

• Traditional therapy stays neutral; RRT sides with the disempowered ("latent") partner.

• Focus is on empowering the latent partner to challenge harmful behaviors of the "blatant" one.

• Emphasizes the need to break therapeutic neutrality to enact real change.

Case Example and Core Techniques

• Shares a case involving "Harvey," a businessman unaware of his impact on others.

• Uses direct language and specific behavioral data to teach empathy and reduce grandiosity.

• Forms an alliance with clients’ adult selves to address harmful behaviors compassionately.

Understanding Grandiosity and Shame

• Women often lead with shame; men lead with grandiosity—both are defense mechanisms.

• Describes the roots in childhood abuse—either disempowerment or false empowerment.

• Shares a story about teaching his son to consider others’ needs to illustrate the concept.

Practical Skills in Therapy

• Introduces “five losing strategies” clients use in relationships.

• Encourages therapists to observe patterns precisely and intervene functionally.

• Normalizes marital conflict and focuses on practical, skill-based interventions.

Providing Feedback and Encouraging Growth

• Recommends giving clear, behavioral feedback rather than vague interpretations.

• Emphasizes teaching clients to both make changes and recognize changes in others.

• Shares examples of how precise feedback helps couples re-engage and appreciate one another.

Closing Remarks

• Urges therapists to tell the truth with kindness, accuracy, and compassion.

• Stresses humility and empathy in the therapeutic stance.

• Encourages applying the tools of Relationship Empowerment Therapy to create real impact.