BT16 Clinical Demonstration 11 - Sewing Partners Together: Techniques for Moving Couples Toward Secure Functioning - Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT

Description:

This one-hour presentation will demonstrate cross-dialogic and other strategic techniques for shepherding couples toward “secure functioning,” an attitudinal and behavioral expectation that couples operate as a two-person psychological system. Because the concept of secure-functioning is principle based and not personality based, the success of secure-functioning relationships does not depend upon attachment orientation. The presentation will endeavor to help the clinician utilize psychobiological strategies to help clarify partner attachment strategies, true desires, and unspoken agendas in couple therapy.

Educational Objectives:

1. List at least five characteristics of a secure-functioning relationship.
2. Apply at least three interventions for moving couples toward secure functioning.
3. Differentiate and describe the difference between secure attachment and secure-functioning relationships.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction and Overview of Techniques

• Stan Tatkin introduces the session as a clinical demo of the "Crossing" technique.

• Emphasizes quick, strategic info-gathering (microexpressions, skin color changes).

• "Crossing" = asking one partner about the other, reinforcing mutual care.

• Mentions related methods like circular questioning and cross interpretation to assess dynamics without escalating arousal.

Introduction of the Couple: Bruce and Judy

• Tatkin introduces Bruce and Judy, who are coping with the trauma of their foster grandson JJ’s brain death.

• The couple is positioned closely to facilitate connection and clear communication.

• Judy shares the situation in Alaska and the emotional impact on them both.

Emotional Responses and Relationship Patterns

• Judy tends to carry the emotional weight; Bruce provides calm and support.

• Bruce has learned to suppress his own feelings to stay steady for Judy.

• Their roles have shifted over the years, with Bruce becoming more emotionally expressive.

• They describe how they've supported each other through past crises.

Historical Context and Family Dynamics

• Judy discusses her childhood and her father’s depression, which shaped her emotional responses.

• Bruce and Judy reflect on how their personal histories influence their coping strategies.

• Tatkin connects past dynamics to their current interaction patterns under stress.

Concerns and Strategies for Mutual Support

• Judy worries about Bruce falling into depression during this crisis.

• Bruce admits to withdrawing when overwhelmed, which makes Judy uneasy.

• Tatkin recommends Bruce use a timer when “vegging” and regularly check in with Judy.

• The couple strategizes how to support each other during their upcoming trip to Alaska.

Final Reflections and Recommendations

• Tatkin highlights their strengths: emotional connection, history of support, and adaptability.

• Encourages the couple to reconnect physically by going to bed together as a small experiment.