BT16 Conversation Hour 03 - Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW

Description:

Educational Objectives:

1. Learn the philosophies of various practitioners and theorists.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Mission and Therapeutic Philosophy

• Committed to saving marriages and avoiding unnecessary divorce.

• Emphasizes “psychotic optimism” and the therapist’s role in providing hope.

• Encourages creative problem-solving and belief in couples’ potential.

Gender and Cultural Dynamics in Therapy

• Addresses therapy’s gender bias favoring verbal expression (typically female style).

• Encourages recognition of men’s action-based expressions of love.

• Suggests women learn to interpret and appreciate men’s “love language.”

Instilling Hope Through Solution-Focused Work

• Focuses on client strengths and “bright spots” rather than problems.

• Uses two-day intensives for deeper work with couples on the brink.

• Believes extended sessions help uncover and build on hope and motivation.

Challenges with Ambivalent Couples

• Describes common dynamic: one partner wants change, the other withdraws.

• Stresses validating both partners and exploring their previous efforts and disappointments.

• Identifies emotional shut-down as a precursor to affairs or detachment.

Using The Five Love Languages

• Applies Gary Chapman’s model to decode unmet needs and reduce misunderstanding.

• Example: Wife craves quality time; husband shows love through touch and chores.

• Encourages mutual effort to meet each other's love language needs.

Rebuilding After Infidelity

• Draws on material from her book Healing from Infidelity.

• Recommends specialized therapist training for affair recovery work.

• Promotes future-oriented steps and skill-building for rebuilding trust.

Concept of Real Giving

• Defines “real giving” as offering what your partner needs, not what feels natural to you.

• Reinforces the importance of selflessness and goodwill in daily interactions.

• Encourages practicing giving especially during moments of emotional distance.

Coaching Program and Last Resort Technique

• Describes telephone coaching for individuals trying to save a relationship alone.

• Reports strong success rates and skill acquisition through the program.

• Explains the “Last Resort Technique” to reverse self-sabotaging behavior and shift dynamics.

• Offers online training videos for both clients and clinicians.

Closing Q&A and Final Takeaways

• Encourages therapists to experiment with longer sessions and action-based plans.

• Answers audience questions on follow-up after intensives and handling infidelity.