BT08 Conversation Hour 05 - Divorce Busting Conversation - Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW

Description:

Educational Objectives:

1. To describe philosophies of various practitioners and theorists.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction and Initial Questions

• Shares her background in family work and shift to couples therapy after writing Divorce Busting.

• Notes infidelity is a major issue she works with.

Michelle’s Philosophy on Infidelity

• Believes infidelity is not always a deal-breaker.

• Couples can recover and build a stronger relationship.

• Validating both partners’ emotional experiences is key.

• Compares betrayal trauma to PTSD symptoms.

Therapeutic Approach to Infidelity

• Often sees couples separately first.

• Avoids ultimatums; meets clients where they are emotionally.

• Helps clients reconnect and invest emotionally in the marriage.

• Supports gradual shifts in commitment, even during ongoing affairs.

Strategies for Common Challenges

• Betrayed partners must be allowed to ask questions.

• Differentiates between infidelity types, including pornography.

• Encourages personal accountability and understanding the “why.”

• Avoids judgment; focuses on healing and future direction.

Working with Different Couples

• Notes "walk-away wife syndrome" is common—women initiate more.

• Helps clients identify harmful relationship patterns.

• Supports couples with long-term marriages, health challenges, and burnout.

• Encourages self-care, mutual support, and communication skills.

Managing Anger and Forgiveness

• Helps clients work through anger and resentment.

• Guides couples toward forgiveness and emotional repair.

• Validates emotional pain while helping shift perspective.

• Builds therapeutic trust to open clients to change.

Session Structure and Frequency

• Begins with intensive sessions, then tapers based on progress.

• Sets clear goals and adapts plans to each couple’s pace.

• Addresses deeply rooted habits and long-term patterns.

Handling Pornography in Relationships

• Addresses values, impact, and communication around porn use.

• Avoids moral judgment—focuses on meaning and relationship effects.

• Helps couples talk openly and find common ground.

Long-Term Marriages and Disabilities

• Supports couples facing chronic illness or disability.

• Focuses on empathy, peace, and redefining roles.

• Reinforces the importance of ongoing communication and care.

Final Thoughts and Resources

• Encourages finding peace and satisfaction in long-term relationships.

• Reiterates need for strong communication skills.

• Shares resources and thanks participants.