BT06 Clinical Demonstration 12 - Couples Therapy: Dismantling Negative Projections - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Outline

Introduction and Purpose of the Demonstration

• Demonstration focuses on working with couples who hold negative beliefs and projections about each other.
• Volunteers are used to simulate a session, with a backup transcript prepared in case of limited material.
• A couple, Steve and Joan (together for 12 years), present their relationship concerns.
• Joan describes Steve as selfish and emotionally unavailable; Steve feels inadequate and unable to meet Joan’s needs.

Exploring Joan's Perceptions and Steve's Efforts

• Joan acknowledges Steve’s generosity in practical areas but not in their emotional or intimate life.
• She shares a childhood memory of her father’s erratic behavior, which influences her perception of Steve.
• Joan’s coping mechanisms include emotional self-sufficiency and minimal expectations of affection.
• Steve expresses frustration at being misunderstood and notes practical efforts to support Joan, such as hiring help at home.

Emotional Exploration and Family Dynamics

• Joan finds it emotionally overwhelming to discuss her unmet childhood need for affection.
• She wishes Steve would intuitively respond to her needs, which feels childlike but emotionally significant.
• The therapist considers, but ultimately shifts away from, an intrapsychic focus to maintain the interactional direction.
• Joan and Steve discuss emotional needs and boundaries, including Joan’s desire for Steve to request space without blame.

Addressing Criticism and Emotional Needs

• Steve shares his struggle with Joan’s frequent criticism and his difficulty expressing vulnerability.
• Joan admits to making the relationship too centered on her own needs and suggests reconnecting through a date.
• Emphasis is placed on curiosity—asking questions to understand rather than react to each other’s behavior.
• Both partners agree to try expressing needs with more openness and curiosity moving forward.

Reflections and Audience Questions

• Highlight on the therapeutic value of identifying and challenging entrenched negative beliefs.
• Exploration of how family-of-origin dynamics influence unconscious expectations in relationships.
• Audience questions center on handling client perseveration and responding to difficult feedback during therapy.
• Practical strategies are shared, including the use of individual sessions to support couples work and how to manage the discomfort of behavioral change.