BT18 Clinical Demonstration 07 - Lovers Pose - Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT

Description:

Few couple interventions are as elegant and beautiful as the lovers pose. It is like a surgical table for therapists to extract and repair deep, implicit memory issues between partners and, by proxy, original childhood caregivers. The therapist “casts” each partner into roles appropriate for the therapeutic direction as decided by the therapist. Though the lovers pose is as it sounds, for lovers holding one another, it is also the caregiver-infant pose, the Pietà pose (holding a dead loved one), and inner child pose. This demonstration will also provide instructions for getting into and out of the pose which involves a three-step process.

Educational Objectives:

1. List at least four different ways to cast partners.
2. Articulate the three steps for getting partners into and out of the exercise.
3. Demonstrate how to get partners to get into the pose. 

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction to the PACT Institute and Lovers Pose

• Stan Tatkin introduces the PACT Institute: a psycho-biological, poly-theoretical, non-linear approach to couple therapy.

• Uses trance work and body-based methods to support emotional regulation.

• Lovers Pose: a deliberate, parasympathetic-inducing position to access lower emotional states (e.g., sadness, guilt, shame).

• Emphasizes right-hemisphere dominance and left-side cradling for emotional safety.

Details of the Lovers Pose and Its Effects

• Pose is physically comfortable; couples may stay in it for over an hour, switching as needed.

• It shifts body state and alters memory and perception through body positioning.

• Initial sympathetic spike followed by slowed heart rates and pupil dilation—a state of "quiet love."

• Couples regulate each other's autonomic nervous systems through proximity and eye contact.

Interactive Regulation and Co-Regulation

• The pose fosters co-regulation—mutual emotional and physiological regulation.

• Eye contact is crucial; skin-to-skin alone may cause dissociation in trauma survivors.

• Accesses low-arousal states and stored emotional memory, useful for therapeutic work.

• Therapist joins the couple in attuned trance-like facilitation.

Practical Application and Therapeutic Techniques

• Requires strong therapeutic alliance before use—can be powerful or destabilizing.

• Reveals relational issues (e.g., role reversal, difficulty surrendering), creating therapeutic entry points.

• Variants include mother-infant, sibling, and Pieta poses.

• Effective for accessing procedural memory and deepening interventions.

Demonstration with Ray and Betty

• Live demo with couple Ray and Betty: Ray on top, both guided through the pose.

• Betty experiences myoclonic jerks, seen as the body preparing for inner healing.

• Emotional exchange reveals trust and love, with Ray stroking her forehead and Betty expressing safety.

• Highlights the depth of trust and connection the pose can facilitate.

Exploring Emotional Responses and Trust

• Betty reflects on her nurturing grandmother and how that bond influences her feelings of safety.

• Ray affirms his appreciation and love for Betty.

• The pose allows safe exploration of attachment wounds and trust-building.

• Demonstrates how body-based positioning can enhance emotional intimacy and repair.

Audience Questions and Reflections

• Questions focus on application, safety, and therapist’s role.

• Tatkin explains it can be used with various dyads (e.g., mother-daughter), not just romantic couples.

• Therapist’s attunement and presence are critical for guiding the process safely.

• Encourages therapists to try the pose with appropriate clients for deep emotional work and co-regulation.