EP21 Speech 23 - Passionate Enterprise: Couples Who Work Together - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Increasingly more and more couples are working together or working virtually in the same space. It is estimated that in the United States 43% of small businesses are family-run and 53% of managers share day-to-day management with a spouse. Working together tends to kill romance and take over a couples life.

As therapists we tend to look at our clients mainly through the lens of our favorite therapy model. However, couples who work together face unique challenges that are not rooted in attachment styles or family of origin conflicts.

Ellyn will delineate 6 foundational skills that support couples who work together and demonstrate how the business can become a source of connection rather than generating stress and disconnection. (Includes video)

Learning Objectives

1. Describe 6 foundational skills for building effective collaboration in couples who work together
2. Delineate 3 distinct decision-making strategies that minimize conflict and facilitate clear boundaries at work and at home
3. Outline negotiation principles that are unique for couples

Outline:

Introduction & Background

• Dr. Ellen Bader, co-founder and director of the Couples Institute, specializes in couples therapy and couple-owned businesses.

• Notable for her books, awards, and international trauma work.

Passion & Experience

• Shares personal insights from running a business with her husband since 1984.

• Highlights growth of couple-owned businesses, especially post-pandemic.

Common Structures & Challenges in Couple-Owned Businesses

• Ownership dynamics: equal partnership vs. one partner as employer.

• Typical challenges:

  • Lack of personal/family time.

  • Income stress from shared business.

  • Power dynamics and loss of intimacy.

  • Loyalty conflicts, differing risk tolerances, and investment styles.

The "Candor Solution": Six Key Skills

1. Commitment: Balancing dedication to both marriage and business.

2. Acknowledgement/Appreciation: Regularly recognizing each partner's contributions (e.g., "Daily Double" practice).

3. Negotiation Strategies: Effective conflict resolution and preventing premature compromise.

4. Decision-Making: Clearly defined approaches (unilateral, equilateral, 51%-49%) to minimize conflict.

5. Ownership of Strengths & Liabilities: Each partner recognizing and utilizing their strengths clearly.

6. Roles & Responsibilities: Clearly defining and respecting each partner’s role.

Decision-Making Strategies

• Types: Unilateral, Equilateral, and 51%-49% for effective conflict management.

• Examples provided from Dr. Bader's own experience at the Couples Institute.

Practical Tips for Couples

• Implement "Daily Double" appreciation exercises.

• Regularly schedule business meetings separate from personal time.

• Clearly define roles, responsibilities, and decision-making procedures.

Q&A & Final Thoughts

• Discussed practical examples for negotiating differences.

• Highlighted importance of early intervention and respectful acceptance between partners.

• Emphasized unique bonding and challenge potential for couples running businesses together.