EP21 Conversation Hour 10 - Conversation Hour: Michele Weiner-Davis - Michele Weiner-Davis, LCSW

Introduction and Background of Michele Weiner-Davis

• Rob Staff introduces Michele Weiner-Davis, founder of the Divorce Busting Center in Boulder, Colorado.

• Best-selling author of Healing from Infidelity and other works.

• Widely recognized in the media and recipient of multiple professional awards.

Michele's Passions and Approach

• Emphasizes conversation over lecture format.

• Passionate about addressing sex-starved marriages (topic of her TEDx Talk).

• Specializes in couples facing infidelity; stresses the importance of therapist authenticity and relationship-building.

Addressing Infidelity: Michele's Approach

• Outlines a three-stage model: (1) put out the fire, (2) conduct marital therapy, (3) maintain positive changes.

• Prioritizes the betrayed spouse's needs; unfaithful spouse must take responsibility and rebuild trust.

• Focuses on affair-proofing marriages and solving root systemic issues.

Cultural Dynamics and Therapeutic Challenges

• Responds to question about cultural beliefs in immigrant couples, especially patriarchal dynamics.

• Case example: helped a Hispanic husband access vulnerability and remorse.

• Stresses cultural sensitivity, seeing beyond surface behavior, and managing power dynamics constructively.

Solution-Oriented Therapy and Longer Sessions

• Transitioned from short sessions to extended, intensive ones for deeper work.

• Uses co-authored marital histories to help couples reframe and reconnect.

• Advocates for therapists to support clients whose love language centers on physical touch.

Porn Use in Sexless Marriages

• Responds to question on porn use; shifts focus to unmet emotional and relational needs.

• Encourages therapy to explore the root of the issue rather than moralizing.

• Highlights bias in therapy toward emotional expressiveness over physical intimacy.

Betrayals Beyond Affairs

• Addresses emotional betrayal in a case shared by a participant.

• Suggests starting with a detailed marital history to uncover dynamics.

• Emphasizes the betrayed spouse’s right to prioritize the relationship and receive support.

Virtual Intensives and Therapeutic Challenges

• Shifted to virtual two-day intensives due to COVID-19.

• Initially struggled but adapted to create effective, immersive experiences online.

• Notes convenience and cost-saving benefits for clients without losing session intensity.

Handling Shaming in Therapy

• Discusses managing betrayed spouses who use therapy to shame partners.

• Encourages appreciation for transparency and reinforces positive behavior.

• Stresses the need for a safe, supportive environment in therapy.

Final Thoughts and Q&A

• Invites further questions by email and directs participants to her website.

• Reiterates commitment to solution-focused work and meeting both partners’ needs.

• Rob Staff thanks Michele; session closes with reminder to bring one’s full self to therapy.