It’s said that the truth shall set you free, so why do romantic partners lie to each other? Or to their therapist? And how important are the facts anyway in couples therapy?
Actual or perceived dishonesty can wreak havoc on a relationship and can stall therapeutic progress. Most couples therapists don’t want to get bogged down on fact checking, but sometimes the details do matter–perhaps to the other partner, perhaps as revealing about the individual speaking, and perhaps as revealing about the couple’s dynamic.
Outright falsehoods, lies of omission, and even shading the truth can signal conflict avoidance, a lack of differentiation, insufficient empathy, poor self-awareness, out of control behavior, poor emotional regulation in the receiver, and much more. Join our panel to discuss why clients struggle with the truth and how to address it with both partners, from the small lies of convenience to the larger betrayals. Honest conversation is both a vehicle for growth as well as a goal of treatment.
Elliott Connie is a solution focused therapist with his private practice based in Keller, TX. Elliott specializes in using the solution focused approach to work with couples. He is the co-author of the book The Art of Solution Focused Therapy, and his second book, Solution Building in Couples Therapy, was released in 2012. His latest book, The Solution Focused Marriage: 5 Simple Habits That Will Bring Out the Best in Your Relationship, is now available.
Elliott has traveled throughout the United States and Europe, including the UK, Sweden, Poland, Denmark, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Australia, Russia, South Africa and Canada, training psychotherapists to work more effectively with couples, and helping couples to build more satisfying relationships.
Lilian Borges, MA, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor with more than 18 years of experience doing and teaching psychotherapy, Ericksonian hypnosis and brief therapy. She is an invited teacher at the Milton Erickson Foundation for their extensive hypnosis training programs. Lilian has been conducting seminars in the United States and internationally about couples therapy, and Ericksonian therapy.
William J. Doherty is an educator, researcher, therapist, speaker, author, consultant, and community organizer. He is Professor and Director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program in the Department of Family Social Science, College of Education and Human Development, at the University of Minnesota, where he is also an adjunct Professor in the Department of Family Medicine and Community Health.