CC24 Workshop 12 - Promoting Clients’ Self-Care Supports Relationships - Ari Tuckman, PsyD

Stressed out, burned out couples don’t have the time or energy to take care of themselves, let alone to nurture their relationship. They come to couples therapy, but then say they’re too busy when they don’t apply what is discussed in session. They’re cutting corners on sleep, diet, and exercise and thereby have less cognitive and emotional bandwidth, including for their partner. They’re more irritable with each other, less patient, and less tolerant of differences. They can easily fall into a zero-sum tug of war where both partners hope for more support from the other, but neither has it to give, furthering the discontent with each other.
Everyone knows the obvious good advice on sleep, diet, and exercise, yet then doesn’t always do it. What does this poor self-care reveal about the individual or the relationship? What are the deeper individual and relationship dynamics that interfere with this self-care? For example, someone who struggles to set limits with work or children and thereby loses time with their partner at night. Is it a problem of limit setting earlier in the day or an avoidance of their partner at night? In order to promote better self-care and more energy for the relationship, we need to identify and address these primary causes.
There is also the possibly contentious situation where one partner wants the other to engage in better self-care. Whose goal is this? And how do the partners negotiate this apparent difference in priorities? Promoting self-care benefits the relationship and promoting better relationship functioning benefits self-care.

Learning Objectives:

1. Identify clients whose poor self-care is impacting relationship functioning
2. Apply strategies to improve sleep, diet, and exercise
3. Apply strategies to address the deeper dynamics that impact self-care