Introduction to RLT and Meeting Guidelines
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Speaker 1 welcomes participants, requests hand raises for questions, and introduces RLT (Relational Life Therapy).
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Shares an interview with Carol Gilligan and outlines the 3 phases of RLT: waking up the client, joining through the truth, and deep trauma work.
Phase 1: Waking Up the Client
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Focuses on identifying dysfunctional stances (e.g., pursuer/distancer dynamic).
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Therapist may take sides in power-imbalanced relationships.
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First session highlights the pattern, not the people.
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Clarifies roles of the "blatant" (dominant) and "latent" (enabling) partner.
Phase 2: Joining Through the Truth
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Involves lovingly confronting clients with truth to access their wise adult.
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Builds an alliance while acknowledging the adaptive child.
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Trauma work is ideally done in the presence of the partner.
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Parts work helps clients reposition from the adaptive child to the wise adult.
Phase 3: Teaching New Skills
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After trauma work, clients are taught relational skills for lasting change.
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Skills include taking breaks when triggered and practicing relational mindfulness.
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Speaker 1 shares an experiential couples workshop format as a teaching model.
Q&A: Specific Client Challenges
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Barbara (DMV): For a cruel husband/submissive wife—help him see the cost of his behavior and cultivate humility.
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Marina (Saskatchewan): On parental wounds—usually addressed together, ideally with partner present.
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Amy (Western MA): On balancing individual vs. couples therapy—use individual work when needed but focus on correcting power imbalances.
Handling Grandiosity and Power Imbalances
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Grandiosity impairs empathy and judgment—help clients recognize the consequences.
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Empower the disempowered partner while confronting the dominant one.
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Use leverage and humility to support transformation.
Case Study: Stable Miserable Couple
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Describes a couple stuck in misery (one-up husband with a secret, one-down wife).
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Emphasizes detachment from outcome—focus on clients ready for change.
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Advises therapists to stop overworking with resistant clients.
Building Empathy and Relational Mindfulness
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Emphasizes deep trauma work to build empathy.
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Uses the tripart psyche model: wise adult, wounded child, adaptive child.
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Helps clients move beyond the 5 losing strategies of the adaptive child.
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Encourages moving past patriarchal patterns toward relational growth.
Handling Failed Confrontations
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Delia (California): On failed confrontations—stay flexible, try new approaches.
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Maintain leverage and detachment from outcome.
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Therapists must act as social change agents guiding clients toward intimacy and relational health.
