CC17 Workshop 08 - Strong Leadership in Couples Therapy: How the Developmental Model Helps You (Part 2) - Ellyn Bader, PhD

CC17 Workshop 08 - Strong Leadership in Couples Therapy: How the Developmental Model Helps You (Part 2) - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Outline:

• Staying Alive in Couples Therapy

  • Emphasis on staying emotionally engaged as a therapist and helping couples reconnect.
  • The work is viewed as sacred, especially with couples in crisis.
  • Session builds on prior work with Trish and Paul, introducing new interventions.

• Background on Trish and Paul

  • Together seven years, blended family, conflict around parenting and connection.
  • Previous paper exercise used to assess differentiation.
  • Trish feels bonded to her kids; Paul feels excluded and disconnected.

• Navigating Conflict and Avoidance

  • Trish expresses frustration with conflict-avoidant dynamics and desire for depth.
  • Paul's upbringing with alcoholic parents drives his avoidance.
  • The initiator-inquirer process introduced to help shift their dynamic.

• Initiator-Inquirer Process Overview

  • Initiator raises one issue calmly, focuses on self-reflection.
  • Inquirer listens, asks clarifying, curiosity-driven questions.
  • Designed to build differentiation, increase emotional tolerance, and define boundaries.

• Demonstration with Trish and Paul

  • Paul initiates, sharing his feelings of exclusion.
  • Trish responds emotionally, recognizing her role in creating distance.
  • Exercise surfaces vulnerability and accountability for both partners.

• Group Reflections and Key Takeaways

  • Participants note Paul’s bravery and Trish’s emotional response.
  • Importance of silence, emotional processing, and therapist patience highlighted.
  • Session ends focused on accountability, creating memorable moments, and encouraging therapists to bring more of themselves into the work.