CC17 Workshop 05 - Strong Leadership in Couples Therapy: How the Developmental Model Helps You (Part 1) - Ellyn Bader, PhD

CC17 Workshop 05 - Strong Leadership in Couples Therapy: How the Developmental Model Helps You (Part 1) - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Outline:

• Introduction and Staying Alive in Therapy

  • Focus on staying present and engaged, especially with hostile or angry couples.
  • Workshop split between personal growth and creating memorable moments for clients.
  • Participants reflect on their best sessions and qualities like openness, compassion, and engagement.

• Developmental Model of Couples Therapy

  • Workshop follows one couple through the day, demonstrating developmental progress.
  • Emphasis on most couples being stuck in early hostile or avoidant stages.
  • Discussion of creating emotional impact through therapist presence and questioning.

• Starting with a Hostile Couple

  • Couple: blended family, together seven years, not married.
  • Pete uses open, non-shaming questions to facilitate connection and dialogue.
  • Group discusses creating a positive environment and the need for clarifying distinctions to progress.

• Exploring the Couple's Dynamics

  • Major complaints aired, symbiotic patterns identified (sensitivity, personalization).
  • Power dynamics and differentiation issues highlighted.
  • Couple’s history (meeting on Match.com, breakup) reviewed for context.

• The Paper Exercise: Conflict and Differentiation

  • Each partner chooses something important and negotiates who gets the paper.
  • No ripping allowed—forces direct engagement with conflict.
  • Participants observe avoidant behavior and lack of self-definition.

• Analyzing Behavior and Differentiation

  • Six observation categories: self-definition, other-awareness, boundaries, conflict engagement, negotiation, giving/receiving.
  • Exercise reveals how the couple avoids conflict and lacks differentiation.
  • Creates emotional impact and reveals patterns needing attention.

• Integrating Exercise into Ongoing Therapy

  • Exercise used as a foundation for deeper work on conflict and differentiation.
  • Reinforces need for a safe, growth-oriented environment in therapy.
  • Group reflects on their own reactions and insights.

• Preparing for Deeper Afternoon Work

  • Afternoon session will focus on Trish’s internal conflict and further differentiation work.
  • Therapists encouraged to consider what parts of themselves they hold back in sessions.
  • Disco ball prop symbolizes the complexity of self and showing multiple facets.

• Therapist Personal Growth and Closing Reflections

  • Participants challenged to bring more aliveness into sessions—whether confrontation, softness, or openness to sex topics.
  • Workshop ends with a focus on therapists’ personal growth enhancing client work.