CC16 Workshop 05 - Addiction and Self-Absorption - Ellyn Bader, PhD and Sue Diamond Potts, MA

Description:

Two particularly challenging issues that surface in couples therapy are addiction and self absorption. Through the lens of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, Sue and Ellyn will describe how to make strategic treatment decisions that propel couples toward sobriety and more collaborative functioning. They will review the troublesome traits of the self-absorbed partner and illuminate ways to increase other-differentiation and increase caring and compassion. Case examples will demonstrate the challenge of confronting individual partners addictive and self-absorbed behavior, while simultaneously supporting the developmental growth of the couple.

Educational Objectives:

1. Discuss 4 important Do’s and 4 important Don’ts which are strong guidelines when working with married partners who are addicted.
2. Describe 2 techniques for facilitating other-differentiation in self-absorbed partners. 

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

• Introductions

  • Workshop focuses on addiction and self-absorption in couples therapy, led by Ellen Bader and Sue Diamond Pots.
  • Ellen introduces Sue, highlighting her work in addiction, trauma, and couples therapy.

• Addiction & Self-Absorption Foundations

  • Addiction involves physiological, emotional, and interpersonal factors.
  • Brain vulnerability, trauma, and genetics contribute to addiction.
  • Addiction impacts the brain’s reward system (dopamine, serotonin, GABA) and relationships.

• Therapeutic Challenges

  • Society minimizes addiction, increasing shame and treatment resistance.
  • Therapists must educate clients, emphasize oxytocin and serotonin's role in healing, and push against addiction’s delusions.

• Self-Absorption in Couples

  • Self-absorption ranges from mild to narcissistic or sociopathic behavior.
  • Spouses often feel lonely, hopeless, and lose self-esteem.
  • Therapists must manage their own reactions and stay empathetic.

• Therapeutic Strategies

  • Use the initiator-inquirer process to build empathy.
  • Encourage small acts of giving and emotional risks.
  • Help clients expose and integrate their internal split (self-absorbed vs. aspirational sides).

• Case Study: Bob and Karen

  • Bob resists confronting his self-absorption but progresses through therapy.
  • Therapist holds the tension, supporting Bob’s change and Karen’s validation.
  • Bob develops emotional maturity and self-awareness.

• Engagement Continuum Exercise

  • Participants assess their engagement levels in relationships.
  • Reflect on the effort needed to improve emotional presence and empathy.
  • Emphasize the link between engagement and personal growth.

• Second Case Study: Addict Couple

  • Wife (recovering alcoholic) and caretaker husband struggle with unspoken resentment.
  • Therapist coaches the wife to stay present as the husband reveals his feelings.
  • Leads to emotional breakthrough and deeper communication.

• Fostering Appreciation & Gratitude

  • Use appreciation cards to build a habit of gratitude.
  • Share stories, like Kenyan man Mosh’s resilience, to inspire empathy and appreciation.
  • Close the session encouraging personal reflection on gratitude and role models.