CC13 Keynote 03 - Guerrilla Divorce Busting: Working with Couples in the Trenches - Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, LCSW

Description:

This keynote explores the incredibly powerful ways we can restore hope in the flat-lined couples we encounter—both in and out of our offices. Be inspired with new, 11th hour strategies for helping challenging couples want to work things out.

Educational Objectives:

1. List one technique for instilling hope in hopeless couples.
2. List one reason about the importance of knowing your clinical blind spots.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Observations and Flight Story

• Notes mostly female audience, jokes about the room being half full or empty.

• Shares a story about meeting “Ron” on a flight who was confused about his wife’s unhappiness.

• Ron’s attempt (buying flowers) led to an argument—illustrating deeper communication issues.

Helping Ron See His Wife’s Perspective

• Encouraged Ron to validate his wife’s feelings rather than dismiss them.

• Urged him to listen and empathize more deeply.

• By the end of the flight, Ron was motivated to work on his marriage.

Therapist Motivation and Personal Influence

• Says most therapists are drawn to the work due to personal life experiences.

• Believes therapists shape therapy with their values and should be aware of that.

• Identifies strongly as a “marriage saver” rather than a neutral clinician.

Personal Story: Parents' Divorce

• Shares her own trauma from her parents’ divorce.

• Explains how this inspired her to prevent unnecessary divorces.

• Developed the “divorce busting” approach to help couples reconnect.

Guerrilla Divorce Busting Tactics

• Encourages helping people outside the therapy office—friends, acquaintances, etc.

• Advises giving unbiased, hopeful support to friends considering separation.

• Describes the “walk-away wife syndrome,” where women silently plan their exits.

• Recommends men focus on self-improvement and giving space if their wives pull away.

Role of Hope in Therapy

• Describes herself as a “hope monger,” likening her work to Bernie Siegel’s optimism in cancer care.

• Urges therapists to notice their own “hope blind spots” and not give up too soon.

• Encourages modeling hope and resilience for clients.

Therapist Authenticity and Emotional Connection

• Advocates for therapists being real, emotional, and self-disclosing when appropriate.

• Says emotional honesty deepens therapeutic relationships.

• Emphasizes walking the talk in their personal lives to stay congruent and effective.

Closing and Call to Action

• Encourages therapists to be “guerrilla divorce busters” in everyday life.

• Promote hope and optimism in all interactions—not just in the office.

• Reminds therapists of their ripple effect in improving relationships and strengthening families.