CC12 Keynote 03 – The Neglected Craft of Couples Therapy: How to Manage Couples Sessions – William Doherty, PhD

Description:

We have advanced training opportunities in couples therapy these days, but not a lot of training in the everyday skills of conducting sessions with couples who interrupt each other, flare at each other, mind read, and emotionally bail out of sessions.  Here’s an hour’s worth of practical tools.

Educational Objectives:

1. Identify common challenges in conducting couples sessions.
2. Describe several practical techniques for managing these common challenges.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction of Dr. Bill Doherty

• Dr. Doherty is introduced with humor, highlighting his diverse expertise in therapy, research, moral and cultural topics, and community work.

• The speaker jokes about his upbringing, and Doherty lightheartedly responds to the pressure of being introduced as funny.

Foundations of Couples Therapy

• Emphasizes the need for structure and balanced connection with both partners during sessions.

• Shares a story about his early mistakes in therapy, like letting partners interrupt each other.

• Compares therapist training to surgical training—basic techniques must be mastered first.

Common Mistakes by Therapists

• Allowing interruptions and losing control of the session are key beginner errors.

• Highlights the value of maintaining neutrality, validating both partners, and speaking clearly and confidently.

• References Sue Johnson’s training materials for identifying and correcting common issues.

Managing Interruptions

• Presents a range of strategies—from gentle reminders to direct interventions.

• Suggests techniques like "take turns," time-outs, or hand signals to regain control.

• Encourages therapists to redirect partners to focus on personal experience over accusing or blaming.

Handling Mind Reading and Boundary Issues

• Warns against allowing "mind reading" statements in sessions—they’re boundary violations.

• Teaches partners to speak for themselves and avoid assumptions about the other.

• Prioritizes session safety and clear emotional boundaries.

Crafting Impactful Interventions

• Describes addressing both pain and hope when partners express vulnerability or desire for change.

• Encourages therapists to notice nonverbal cues and support underlying longings for connection.

• Offers techniques to help partners feel seen and stay open to reconciliation.

Final Reflections

• Reinforces the value of basic techniques, likening them to hygiene in surgery.

• Stresses establishing trust and safety in the first session to encourage return visits.

• Ends with gratitude and encouragement for therapists to apply these skills in practice.