BT12 Dialogue 12 - Infidelity - Ellyn Bader, PhD, Esther Perel, MA, LMFT, Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD
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- Not yet rated
- Topic Areas:
- Infidelity | Dialogues | Couples Therapy | Humanistic Psychology | Trauma Studies
- Categories:
- Brief Therapy Conference | Brief Therapy Conference 2012
- Faculty:
- Ellyn Bader, PhD | Esther Perel, MA, LMFT | Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD, ABPP
- Duration:
- 58:47
- Format:
- Audio Only
- Original Program Date:
- Dec 07, 2012
- License:
- Never Expires.
Description
Description:
Educational Objectives:
- Given a topic, describe the differing approaches to psychotherapy, and identify the strengths and weaknesses of each approach.
*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*
Outline
Introductions & Backgrounds
- Janis Abrahms Spring: 35+ years treating couples and infidelity; author on infidelity and forgiveness.
- Ellyn Bader: Founder of The Couples Institute; focuses on prevention and post-affair therapy.
- Esther Perel: Global therapist; specializes in multicultural couples and the complex layers of infidelity.
- Esther emphasizes a non-judgmental, nuanced approach to infidelity.
Case Discussion: Modern Infidelity Scenarios
- Janis shares a case involving consensual non-monogamy that leads to betrayal.
- Esther discusses female infidelity in Latin America, linking it to patriarchy and double standards.
- Panel explores infidelity as social rebellion and the need for new conversations around it.
Audience Q&A
- Question about Christianity’s influence on forgiveness in therapy.
- Janis explains acceptance without forgiveness and avoiding resentment.
- Ellyn asks about involving unfaithful partners post-affair; Janis discusses separating forgiveness from reconciliation, especially for co-parents.
Therapeutic Approaches
- Esther stresses ending relationships with integrity and the therapist’s role in post-affair navigation.
- Janis shares her method of individual and joint work to support healing.
- Ellyn highlights the emotional work required in polyamory and open relationships.
Modern Challenges of Infidelity
- Discussion on technology’s impact—Facebook, apps, sex workers, and new sexual experimentation.
- Esther addresses cultural views on jealousy and betrayal.
- Exploration of monogamy challenges amid rising acceptance of non-monogamy.
Therapist Perspectives & Countertransference
- Panel reflects on their emotional reactions: compassion, disgust, fear.
- Importance of therapists recognizing personal biases when working with infidelity.
Individual vs. Couples Therapy
- Debate on when to see partners together or separately.
- Ellyn starts with couples, then adapts based on needs.
- Janis stresses truth-telling early and using an open secrets policy.
Cultural & Generational Shifts
- Discussion of changing generational attitudes toward infidelity and relationships.
- Esther explores cultural differences in desire, frustration, and betrayal.
- Growing acceptance of polyamory and non-monogamy noted.
Final Thoughts
- Panel underscores the value of both individual and couples therapy in infidelity cases.
- Janis highlights helping partners take personal responsibility.
- Closing reflections on the complexity and richness of infidelity work in therapy.
Credits
Faculty
Ellyn Bader, PhD Related Seminars and Products
Ellyn Bader, PhD, is a founder and director of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California. As a clinical psychologist, workshop leader, author, and speaker, she is dedicated to helping couples create extraordinary relationships. Over the past 30 years she has trained therapists in couples therapy throughout the United States as well as Europe, Asia, South America, and Australia. She served as a Clinical Faculty in Stanford University School of Medicine for 8 years.
Esther Perel, MA, LMFT Related Seminars and Products
Esther Perel, MA, LMFT, is the best-selling author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, translated into 25 languages. Fluent in nine of them, the Belgian native is a practicing psychotherapist, celebrated speaker and organizational consultant to Fortune 500 companies. The New York Times, in a cover story, named her the most important game changer on sexuality and relationships since Dr. Ruth. Her critically acclaimed viral TED Talks have collectively reached over 10 million viewers.
Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD, ABPP Related Seminars and Products
Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., ABPP, is a board certified clinical psychologist and nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. Her first book, After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, has sold more than a half million copies and was a Books for a Better Life Award finalist in the categories of Best First Book and Best Relationship Book. The completely updated second edition (2012) includes a new chapter on affairs in cyberspace. How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To, was a Books for a Better Life Award finalist in the category of Best Psychology Book. Life with Pop: Lessons on Caring for an Aging Parent, a Living Well Award Silver Medalist, captures the extraordinary, ordinary personal challenges and moments of grace that come with caregiving and growing old.