BT10 Conversation Hour 01 - Divorce Busting Conversation - Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW

Description:

Educational Objectives:

1. Learn the philosophies of various practitioners and theorists.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction and Background

• Michele Weiner Davis introduces herself as the “divorce buster.”

• Shares her move from conservative Woodstock, IL, to liberal Boulder, CO.

• Reflects on how the cultural shift revealed her more conservative values.

• Opens the floor to questions about her work and experiences.

Shift to Intensives

• Transitioned from hourly brief therapy to 1-2 day intensives for couples.

• Intensives allow deeper, uninterrupted work on relationship issues.

• Often begins with one resistant spouse; most become engaged by the end.

• Compares the shift to handling resistant teens in family therapy.

Engaging Reluctant Spouses

• Focuses on helping reluctant spouses feel seen and heard.

• Uses active listening and reflective responses to build trust.

• Looks for “soft spots” like emotion or ambivalence to gently challenge resistance.

• Recommends full-day or multi-day sessions for effective breakthroughs.

Billing and Follow-Up

• Charges more for intensives due to time and prep involved.

• Provides clients with notes, summaries, and concrete follow-up plans.

• Offers “Keeping Love Alive” as a structured take-home program.

• Encourages periodic follow-up to sustain momentum.

Therapeutic Approach and Influences

• Originally trained in traditional therapy, found it ineffective for change.

• Shifted to solution-focused brief therapy after training with Steve DeShazer.

• Emphasizes strengths, action, and building rapport.

• Credits Deshazer for inspiring her to write and teach.

Infidelity and Separation

• Commonly works with infidelity and helps couples rebuild trust.

• Discourages separation unless necessary; manages it strategically when used.

• Helps reluctant spouses engage in repair work without pressure.

• Focuses on visible change and rediscovery of affection and connection.

Substance Abuse and Caretaking

• Addresses the dynamic of caretaker partners and addicted spouses.

• Helps caretakers develop healthy detachment and self-focus.

• Explores substance abuse compassionately but directly in session.

• Shares success story of a wife reclaiming her power while her husband struggled with binge drinking.

Modern Marriage Dynamics

• Notes shifting roles—more men involved in parenting and home life.

• Encourages putting the marriage before parenting for family well-being.

• Dispels myth that women are more naturally skilled at child-rearing.

• Expresses optimism about the evolving landscape of relationships and her ongoing work.