BT06 Conversation Hour 05 - Aging & Sexual Desire - Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW

Description:

Educational Objectives:

1. To describe philosophies of various practitioners and theorists.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction and Workshop Overview

• Michelle Weiner-Davis welcomes attendees and introduces the informal session.

• Shares humorous personal anecdotes and introduces her book The Sex-Starved Marriage.

• Focuses on sexuality in aging and her experience with older clients.

Myths and Realities of Aging and Sexuality

• Debunks the myth that people over 60 rarely have sex.

• Shares anecdotes and research showing continued sexual interest and activity among older adults.

• Cites data: 75% of elderly people without partners fantasize about intimacy.

Physiological and Psychological Changes

• Testosterone drops in both men and women with age, reducing desire.

• Older adults need more stimulation; erectile dysfunction becomes common.

• Emphasizes that general health and relationship dynamics matter more than aging alone.

• Promotes Bernie Zilbergeld’s idea of broader sexual expression beyond intercourse.

Cultural and Emotional Influences

• Media skews perception of aging and sexuality; Avedon photo used as example.

• Star Wiener data: older adults often have sex as frequently as those in their 40s.

• Women report increased satisfaction with age; men report decreased satisfaction.

• Discussion: older women may focus more on emotional/spiritual connection.

Maintaining Sexual Health and Connection

• Mutual care and communication are key.

• Shares group experiment where women initiated sex more, improving relationships.

• Emphasizes need to address sexual desire discrepancies openly and empathetically.

Adapting to Changing Needs

• “Use it or lose it” principle: sexual continuity matters.

• Physical exercise benefits sexual health by boosting hormones.

• Rosemary Basson’s model: arousal can precede desire.

• Encourages responsive behavior and normalizing shifts in desire.

Desire Discrepancies in Relationships

• Lower desire partner often controls sexual dynamic.

• Case example: husband felt unattractive when wife wasn’t responsive.

• Advocates for open discussion and mutual empathy around desire.

Normalizing Elderly Sexuality

• Stresses need to normalize older adult sexuality and address common barriers (e.g., lubrication, partner access).

• Therapists should offer education and support, including masturbation and fantasy.

• Open communication and mutual care emphasized.

Complex Sexual Issues

• Discusses challenges like requests to open the marriage.

• Case study: woman ends marriage instead of agreeing to a third party.

• Advises against open marriages due to common dissatisfaction.

• Encourages honoring values and understanding both partners’ needs.

Final Q&A and Inclusive Perspectives

• Responds to audience questions on same-sex relationships and fantasies.

• Notes study: many self-identified straight men have had sex with men.

• Emphasizes supporting all couples equally, regardless of orientation.

• Concludes with a call for therapists to educate and normalize aging and sexuality.