CC19 Keynote 03 - The Neuroscience Behind Doing the Right Thing - Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT

Description:

We currently live in a time of great emotional stress around matters of fairness, justice, ethics, and morality. As couple therapists, we are working with the smallest unit of a society, the two-person system that is the primary attachment partnership. Therapists should have a strong understanding of their own moral and ethical compass when guiding partner behavior that occurs inside and outside of therapy. Therapists should also have at least a beginning knowledge of the psycho-neurobiological correlates of not only fairness, justice, and sensitivity, but of the ability to do the right thing for the self as well as the other. This keynote will attempt to cover very dense but vital topic that answers questions such as, why do we self-harm, do things that make use feel better at the cost of being better, as well as act first and think later.

Educational Objectives:

1. List at least two areas of the brain involved in error correction.
2. Describe at least three reasons people tend to do the wrong thing.
3. Apply at least two techniques for getting partners in a couple to do the right thing.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Background of Stan Tatkin

• Stan Tatkin co-founded the PACT Institute with his wife Tracy.

• Known for his creative, rapid-fire thinking and psycho-biological approach to couple therapy.

The Neuroscience of Doing the Right Thing

• Tatkin discusses brain mechanisms behind ethical behavior in relationships.

• Early fear of working with couples led to developing a deep appreciation for the work.

• Highlights how the brain mistakes social threats for real danger due to automatic, memory-based processing.

Human Error Potentials and Brain Functions

• Human brains are biased toward negativity, impulsivity, and misinterpretation.

• Describes key brain areas: orbital frontal cortex (error correction), anterior cingulate (conflict monitoring), amygdala (fear/emotion).

• Repeated emotional acting out weakens executive function and reinforces maladaptive behaviors.

Stress and Brain Chemistry

• Stress hormones (glucocorticoids) degrade prefrontal functioning and amplify amygdala reactivity.

• Chronic stress in relationships increases self-focus and reactivity, impairing empathy.

• Secure-functioning relationships rely on fairness, mutual sensitivity, and rapid repair of ruptures.

Shared Principles of Governance

• Couples should adopt principles such as:

  • Relationship comes first.

  • Shared power and decision-making.

  • Mutual protection of emotional safety.

• Quick repair of misunderstandings helps prevent emotional scarring and resentment.

• Shared activities and attention maintain relational vitality.

Attention, Presence, and Empathy

• Therapists should practice "outside meditation": detailed observation of clients' facial expressions and body language.

• Joint attention (shared focus) enhances connection and emotional presence.

• Being fully present improves empathy and therapeutic outcomes.

Challenges and Deal Breakers

• Couples often struggle with unresolved issues around fidelity, transparency, or shared values.

• Early identification and resolution of deal breakers are essential for long-term success.

• Secure functioning requires therapists to hold couples accountable to collaborative principles.

Conclusion

• Secure-functioning relationships are built on fairness, justice, collaboration, and mutual care.

• Shared values (or “mythologies”) help couples co-create stable, resilient partnerships.

• Therapists must take a stand for reality and encourage couples to adopt guiding principles for relational health.