CC23 Workshop 01 - PACT: How to Orient Couples Toward Secure Functioning? - Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT

This two-hour workshop will demonstrate how to foster secure functioning in your couple practice. Attendees will first get a deeper understanding of what is secure functioning versus insecure functioning in a couple system. We will answer the question as to why secure functioning is the only possible solution to relationship satisfaction and longevity. Then, through live demonstration, attendees will experience various challenges and opportunities to promote secure-functioning principles and orient partners toward a two-person psychological system of interdependency, teamwork, threat reduction, win-win outcomes, and protection of their union. We will also cover conflict management and why a couple system can be measured by how much load bearing it can take before the wheels start coming off.

Learning Objectives:

1. To be able to list at least five characteristics of a secure-functioning relationship.
2. To be able to name and describe the brain’s error potentials and why they matter.
3. To be able to clarify and enforce principles of secure functioning with all couples.
4. To be able to apply basic PACT interviewing/intervention crossing techniques.
5. To be able to describe and implement therapeutic containers.

Outline:

Understanding PACT and Core Components

• PACT is a polytheoretical approach rooted in psychobiology and development from infancy.

• Focuses on stress regulation through nonverbal cues: facial expressions, tone, gestures.

• Combines infant/adult attachment theory and American object relations.

• Considers partners' developmental history, emotional capacity, and structural limitations.

Secure Functioning vs. Attachment

• Attachment is instinctive; secure functioning is a social contract built on equality, shared purpose, and cooperation.

• Love alone doesn’t sustain relationships—shared governance and long-term vision are key.

• Partners must govern each other with mutual consent and aligned principles.

Co-Creating Relationship Structure

• Couples must intentionally build shared mythology, goals, and systems—most don’t.

• Secure functioning requires interdependence, shared vision, and co-regulation.

• Purpose-driven relationships reduce stress and support mental and physical health.

Challenges to Secure Functioning

• Attachment instincts can trap people in unhealthy bonds.

• Secure functioning combats impulsivity, moodiness, and unfair dynamics.

• Requires partners to act as a team with shared responsibilities and accountability.

Techniques to Support Secure Functioning

• Use “containers” (e.g., time-limited problem-solving tasks) to promote collaboration.

• “Crossing techniques” reveal hidden dynamics by having partners speak about each other.

• Psychodramatic reenactments help expose automatic reactions and encourage insight.

Nonverbal Observation in Therapy

• Facial expressions, body cues, and eye contact provide rich diagnostic data.

• Therapists scan for behavior changes without direct confrontation.

• Eye contact during stress maintains engagement and reduces misinterpretation.

Managing Acting Out and Conflict

• “Down-the-middle” interventions address the system, not individuals.

• These confront unhelpful behaviors while maintaining alliance and cooperation.

• Therapist ensures safety before exploring deeper psychological content.

Autonomic Reactions and Contact Maintenance

• Exercises test partners’ ability to maintain contact and read each other’s nonverbal signals.

• Observing breath, tension, and micro-expressions gives insight into stress responses.

• Helps couples regulate each other and respond sensitively during distress.

Coaching Model and Collaborative Growth

• Therapist coaches couples toward mutual relief and rapid repair.

• Containers create pressure that exposes habits and promotes skill development.

• Goal: teach stress management, communication, and aligned action.

Projection and Perception in Relationships

• Asking “Do you like the way they’re looking at you?” reveals projection and self-focus.

• Self-referential responses indicate internal preoccupation and difficulty tuning into others.

• Helps identify emotional filters interfering with connection.

Using Somatic Data Over Narrative

• Narratives can be distorted; body reactions offer more reliable information.

• Therapists test hypotheses against somatic evidence for accuracy.

• Observations drive interpretation, not assumptions.

Rigorous, Stepwise Assessment

• Emphasizes disciplined, scientific thinking—not intuition or pattern-matching.

• Couples must feel safe as therapists investigate thoroughly.

• Avoids misjudgment by anchoring findings in observable data.

Lover’s Pose and Attachment Mapping

• Psychodramatic movement exercises help identify clinging vs. distancing styles.

• Tracks unresolved trauma and attachment tendencies.

• Aids in tailoring interventions to relational dynamics.

Repairing Relationships Under Stress

• Immediate apologies are crucial—relationship safety > being right.

• Avoids long-term damage by addressing issues promptly and sincerely.

• Builds trust and prevents emotional erosion.

Memory and Present-Focused Repair

• Memory is unreliable; present-focused resolution prevents conflict loops.

• Don’t argue about the past—change behavior now to alter future memory.

• Keeps the couple grounded and reduces recurrence.

Importance of Immediate Repair

• Quick repair signals that the relationship matters more than ego.

• Demonstrates commitment and prevents existential insecurity.

• Therapist role-models this dynamic in session.

Principles-Driven Relationships

• Clear principles help override destructive impulses.

• Partners need explicit signals of relationship stability during conflict.

• These rules create guardrails for emotional safety and fairness.

Training and Integration

• Approach combines psychodrama, object relations, and neuroscience.

• Emphasizes justice, collaboration, and structured care.

• Ongoing training helps therapists and couples deepen secure functioning.

Closing and Future Directions

• Thanks participants; invites further training and workshops.

• Emphasizes ongoing learning and integration of diverse approaches.

• Mission: help couples sustain healthy, secure-functioning relationships.