The story of sex in committed modern couples is one that often tells of a dwindling desire that includes a long list of sexual alibis, claiming to explain the inescapable death of Eros. The absence of fantasy, the proliferation of pornography and affairs, as well as a lack of understanding of the nature of erotic desire all contribute to the predicament. This workshop examines the cultural pressures that shape domesticated sex and the puzzling inverse correlation between greater emotional intimacy and the loss of sexual desire.
Couples’ expectations about the role of sexuality in intimate relationships have changed dramatically over the past 40 years. We will explore the main ideas of the romantic ideal: how we want our partner to fulfill our needs for connection, belonging and continuity, as well as give the sense of transcendence, mystery and passion. Examining the cultural values of love and respect, freedom and responsibility, and interdependence vs. autonomy, we will map a culturally relevant approach to work with the dilemmas of desire in couples. We also will probe the difference between clearly assigned gender role repartition and the post-feminist egalitarian model.