Description:

Relational Life Therapy (RLT) produces deep, lasting change in couples quickly by breaking many cherished couple’s therapy rules. We take sides, for example. Not all problems are fifty-fifty. We judiciously self-disclose. We’re in it with you. We work with trauma in each partner, doing deep individual work in the presence of one another. We pay close attention to gender – the unique characteristics of men and women in our culture and how those differences collide. We work with issues of both shame and also of grandiosity. We explicitly address power imbalances, and rebalance them.

Through lecture, demonstration, and video excerpts of real sessions, workshop participants will learn how to join through the truth, the art of holding the mirror up to our clients in ways that not only leave them feeling you are on their side, but that you are actively rooting for them.

Educational Objectives:

1. Identify the systemic dynamic, the repeating vicious circle, the couple is stuck in.
2. Identify each partner’s self-defeating stance, (angry pursuer), their contribution to the dynamic between them.
3. Demonstrate understanding of the clear map of the repeating loop the couple is mired in.
4. Utilize their relational diagnosis to wake them up to their patterns of dysfunction and wish to connect.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Fundamentals of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) Workshop Introduction

• Workshop held at the 2019 Milton H. Erickson Foundation Couples Conference in Manhattan Beach.

• Speaker 9 (Terry Real) emphasizes the relational nature of therapy and invites audience questions.

• Goal of first session is securing a second—building connection is key.

• Acknowledges potential mistakes and the need for humility in clinical judgment.

Relational Therapy Techniques and Client Interaction

• "Sustaining": therapists pause and let clients respond naturally.

• Importance of therapist detachment from outcome.

• Live sessions preferred for their dynamic energy and transparency.

Gender and Confrontational Style in Therapy

• Women can be just as confrontational and effective in RLT.

• Encourages women to claim their authority despite cultural challenges.

• Acceptance and warmth must accompany confrontation for it to be effective.

The Art of Joining and Healthy Self-Esteem

• “Joining through the truth”: blend of blunt honesty and love.

• Therapists must have healthy self-esteem to deliver hard truths effectively.

• Therapists should strive for clarity, evenness, and genuine connection.

Functional Adult, Wounded Child, and Adaptive Child

• Psyche divided into three parts: functional adult, wounded child, and adaptive child.

• Adaptive child forms through modeled behaviors and defense.

• Therapy helps grow the functional adult to guide behavior and relationships.

Inner Child Work and Relational Trauma Healing

• Reparenting involves nurturing, guiding, and setting limits for the inner child.

• Therapy often uses couples work to facilitate relational healing.

• Video example shown of working with a grandiose woman and her partner.

Challenges and Contraindications in Therapy

• RLT can apply to parent-child relationships using psychodrama.

• Couples work must wait if psychiatric issues or substance abuse are untreated.

• Preconditions: safety, stability, and basic emotional regulation.

Psychoeducation and Experiential Work

• Balance psychoeducation with experiential methods—don’t over-intellectualize.

• To identify inner child, ask clients what age they feel when triggered.

Handling Client Reactions and Using Therapist Feelings

• Clients with memory blocks should proceed slowly; safety first.

• Observing partners should not be managed—let them sit with their own emotions.

Multi-Generational Trauma and Psychodrama Techniques

• Emotions can be carried across generations (“carried feelings”).

• Healing often requires addressing unresolved trauma in the family lineage.

• Therapist’s emotional responses are diagnostic tools—use strategically.

Core Negative Images and Relational Dynamics

• Core negative images shape how partners perceive and react to each other.

• Understanding these images improves empathy, boundaries, and communication.

• Humor used to ease tension while exploring deep emotional patterns.