Clients coming for Couples Therapy have often been impacted by early developmental trauma, systemic or intergenerational trauma, or acute interpersonal trauma. Partners with early developmental trauma or acute trauma at young ages are complex to work with and take patience, and persistence from the therapist to recognize moments of exposure and self-expression in order to develop a stronger sense of self. Yet, couples therapy can be a very powerful form of therapy for alleviating shame and developing a much stronger and more integrated sense of self.

Learning Objectives

1. Describe 5 types of trauma that may impact couples coming for therapy.
2. Delineate 2 developmental capacities that effect couples functioning.
3. Utilize clinical examples to show how an attuned couples therapist can facilitate partners developing a stronger more integrated sense of self.

Outline:

Introduction & Background

• Dr. Ellen Bader presents on trauma in couples therapy using her developmental model.

• Extensive expertise in couples therapy, author, and trainer.

Five Types of Trauma Affecting Couples

1. Early developmental trauma (e.g., abuse, neglect)

2. Interpersonal trauma

3. Current trauma (e.g., betrayal, infidelity)

4. Intergenerational trauma

5. Cultural/systemic trauma

Impact of Trauma on Relationships

• Trauma disrupts emotional regulation, causing issues like dissociation and impulsivity.

• Couples get stuck in hostile or conflict-avoidant patterns.

• Early trauma affects self-differentiation and emotional intimacy.

Importance of Differentiation

• Differentiation involves clearly expressing self without blame.

• Therapists help partners build self-reflection, empathy, and emotional resilience.

• Couples therapy focuses on emotional growth, not just problem-solving.

Initiator-Inquirer Process

• Structured roles:

  • Initiator: Brings up issues clearly and non-defensively.

  • Inquirer: Listens empathically, explores deeper emotions.

• Helps couples discuss difficult topics constructively and build empathy.

Addressing Unresolved Trauma

• Both partners must recognize their role in trauma and recovery.

• Therapists guide partners to empathy, accountability, and emotional safety.

Stages of Infidelity Recovery

1. Moving developmental growth forward

2. Decision-making about relationship continuation

3. Termination or renewed commitment to monogamy

Role & Leadership of Therapists

• Therapist provides strong leadership and clear structure.

• Essential to create a safe, yet challenging therapeutic environment.

• Small commitments (e.g., simple activities together) can be therapeutic turning points.

Challenges with Disorganized Attachment

• Couples with chaotic attachment require small, consistent commitments to build trust.

• Therapist consistency helps couples establish reliable emotional connection.

Final Thoughts

• Incremental progress and therapist-led risk-taking crucial for trauma recovery.

• Passionate about helping couples build trust, intimacy, and emotional growth.